Hi. I come from Germany and I want to tell you a very sick internet thing. I am not suicidal but I become obsessed more and more in my “mission” to protect a girl from suicide – she lives 5000 miles away from me, she suffers the bipolar disorder, I know her since one year, had some online conversations with her and a phone call.
Yeah, she is a bit crazy. She is in gore. She is 19. At this point I think I am doing wrong. Perhaps I promote her suicide story to up-value myself, same way as she is promoting her suicide notes to obtain attention. I don’t know. I should better stop all my activities because maybe I arouse only more destruction. Let me tell you the story:
There is a new google group that was founded by her with the task to invite people, discuss and plan suicides. She suggested and de facto tried a C02 poisoning method with charcoal in a tent 2 weeks ago and ended hospitalized. She posted her suicide plans to the google group and I accidentally found the postings. She wasn’t online for a period of time and I was worried. As i know her telephone number I called her to check if she is still living. She told me she was in hospital and survived the poisoning method, it was her second attempt.
I found this posting and I was totally worried:
“I wrote my suicide note today, it’s just one sentence. I’ll post it here cause I think it’s beautiful “What’s the point in trying to make a life for yourself when all you really want is to not be here” I finally found out what I’m to do with the charcoal, I’m very last fucking minute and I plan to do this tonight in probably 5 more hours, kind of nervous cause tonights the night that could just be my last day on earth. I’m so excited I want to get it done right away, I’m also worried I might fuck up and end up with not enough CO to fill this tent. It’s very small, and will be sealed shut with duct tape… I feel terrible for my Mother, she’s the one who kept me here for this long she’s who I’m living for. But I know, like you said with your mother, if she finds you dead – she’ll do herself in too. My mother is exactly the same, I’m the reason she’s still living and vise versa. So by taking my life, I’m really taking two.”
She is currently posting new plans to the group and I am in fear she will try another method. This is the reason why I reported that to the Canadian police. As far as I know in Germany people like that get into psychiatry so they can’t put themselves to risk anymore until the suicidal period is over. She told me she suffers the bipolar disorder.
There is a guy who calls himself the “manager” of the group and supports all this shit. They banned me from the group, of course. I re-registered again and posted their private addresses, my idea was to make it public and in advance they would stop the group.
I don’t know what to do. Maybe I was wrong. I put the focus on that a lot because I lost a friend by suicide in my youth. Anybody gave me advice to run away from that shit as fast as I can, to forget this group and leave this suicidal girl forever. I dont love her, but I feel for her. She is 5000 miles away from me. She asked me to call her. This is no pubertal game, she really wants to die and she is searching for supporters. If only the police or somebody else would put her to psychiatry and protect her in her depressive phase. Does the Canadian government care for that at all?
What would you do? I hope all will be OK again and she finds back to life, back to trust and finally stops that suicidal shit.
Greetings from Germany