Literally hanging by a thread

Im 21 and have ADHD/Depression no one knows i have theses thoughts no one knows how horrible my life truly is, i have resorted to fist fighting with loved ones so they can try and see what i am going thru to get them to listen…they dont they just tell me im a horrible person and walk away…great thats exactly what i needed…i have had depression since i was about 13, thoughts in jr high and high school of suicide were never severe…now into my early 20s it gets worse and worse everyday my hatred for lettin everyone take advantange of me, for having such low self-esteem,for being emotionly put down everyday…for making myself have an abortion, the one thing i said i would never do, i hate myself for letting him put me down make me cry and he doesnt care that i had the abortion for us to be together little did i know he was out fuckin some other girl the night i had it done….i have no where to live, no friends, no money, no job and my family life is being torn apart as well. i cant do this i dont know how long my body can take of this anymore because i do not have wilpower to stay alive, i cant put myself thru the hell i am already in, everyone would be happier without me, kyle wouldnt have this psyco gf or ex gf or whatever the hell i am to him…my parents wouldnt have a fucked up daughter who cant even support herself and i wouldnt have to deal with the pain of killing my child, it had a chance to be something great to be my savior….but it will never happen….i cry myself to sleep everynight knowing i did it, hate my self everyday…i just cant do it anymore….