My Fucking Life

There is truly beautiful things in this world but I must be cursed cause I can’t touch it,can’t feel it and I can’t live it.Only pain and misery as smiled on me from the day I was born. A father who beat the shit out of both me and my mom for years and he cheated on my mom with a whore who liked to torture me.(my mom didn’t know about that)When I was 8 years old we finally ran away from him and i hoped that we would have a normal and happy life but that didn’t happen. A few years after my mom got depression and my wonderful and strong mom started to fade away, it almoust killed me seeing her that down and crying all the time. By then I started cutting myself,that was my outlet for all the pain I felt inside,I tried killing myself that didn’t go so well for obvious reasons i am still here. The only thing that made me function some what was when I was on stage singing,dancing or when I wrote my poems. But after a while I couldn’t do that either, I didn’t have the energie or strenght left to keep going. My mom slowly got better I didn’t! But she told me that she forgave my father for wat his down because otherwise she would only dwell on the past but that didn’t mean that she has forgotten.I can do that! How could I forgive him for fucking up an innocent childs life? All the hurtful things he said almoust hurt more then hes beating. I ran into the skank that he cheated on my mom with she was with a new man. I can’t explain in words what I felt that moment but when she saw me she took of her shoes and started running I cought up with her and beat her sensless her new man and two of my friends ran after us and had to drag me of her. I guess the forgot that one day I’ll grow up and when I do they will get back what they deserve! what goes around comes around. I am turning 19 years old this year but it still huants me, I gave my father the chance to appologize for what his done, I only got a half ass I’m sorry I was young and stupid didn’t know better. Today he tries to buy my love and he calls all the time but Hes nothing to me did he really thing its that easy to just walk back into someones life that you destroyed and think everythings gonna be allright. He can shove his gives up his ass. Dying is constantly on my mind but I really don’t want to put my mom through any more pain I’m all shes got . I’m affraid that one day I’ll just can’t handle anymore and I will kill myself and succeed and my mom will probable do the same, I don’t want her to die shes seems to be happier now. But I just can’t see another way for this pain to end.