Wish I Was Dead

Im only 21 i have my whole life ahead of me everyone keeeps saying when you have kids your going to be great blah blah….right now i dont wanna live to see that far. I have had depression since i was about 11-12 and suicide thoughts all the time , more recently i met kyle 2 years ago, we lived together he became emotionally abusive, telling me i was nothing and i mean nothing to him and i was ugly fat a whore you name it he said it analthough i spenpt every dime and every second i had on making him happy i moved back home to a different province, well he came back shit happened i became pregnant now abortion was the last thing on my mind never in a million years would i have thought i would veer do it, well i guess love does blind you because he said he would be happier if i did it and he would love me and be there for me, was he? no actually he was with another girl when i was in the hospital getting it done.so because of that i was so tramitized with actually doing what i did i lost my job my apartment and my friends so now i sit here with nothing i dont know why i even come back to kyle last resort i guess….but i cant do it i cant handle it my body is not strong enough to handle all this shit that comes my way i really should just end it maybe everyone will be happier because i cant live knowing i ended a childs life there is no way i would rather die then do that to a child