Am I that worthless

why cant my husband forgive me for kicking him out i apoligized and told him it was a mistake and now hes says he wants nothing to do with me because i hurt him so much he has hurt me alot in the past but i always forgave him because i love him with all my heartso why am i not worth it too him he said tha if i were to do anything wrong and thats the reason for him to come back he would resent and hate me so why should i care if the only person in the world that i love with my entire heart doesnt think its worth it to help me only just abandon me why am i not worth it to him im supposed to be his wife his best friend but i cant even be treated like i even exist so why cant he love me as much i love him i just feel so worthless like i dont belong anywhere so ive been drinking pills all day with liquor and milk tastes better because if he doesnt care why should i.