money

Problems, money money money, bankruptcy, foreclosure, medical bills, illness, PAIN, gas for home and car, work stress, living in lies, fear, depression, being alone, being overweight, being old, nothing to live for, no one to live for, loveless life. one step forward , two steps back, two steps forward 4 steps back, why hold on, why do people like this need to be on this earth, we should not be , what purpose are we, there are so many of us, my brother put a gun in in mouth and pulled the trigger , I think of him as being at peace, lucky him, why don’t I have the balls to just do it. I can’t stand myself most of the time I live a horrible life that I hide from everyone one even my councelor and psychatrist, why can’t I just kill myself and get it over with, there is really nothing to live for, I have no one, my family has abandoned me, I take care of my 90 year old mother who has dementia , no help from siblings, I am broke, I want her to die and Iwant to die. I am such a mean and horrible person to myself , I really do hate me and feel I would be better off dead and gone, no one would miss me. NO ONE! I am sure. why can’t I do it, there really is no hope left, I see no future, I try and it only gets worse, one step forward and bam 10 steps back. There is no use in even trying. If it was not for my mother I think I would somehow find the nerve, but I can’t leave her, my 2 brothers don’t care about her , what’s wrong with me, I could be in darfur, or being beaten , tourtured, I should consider muyself lucky, stop complaining and just kill myself…………