why?

October 25th, 2008by daddiesgirl167

this life so far has been shit… well this year. im 18 years old and in my senoir year of high school i fell apart. in may of 2008 my father passed away. he wasnt just my dad he was my best friend. the one to run and talk to when i was fighting with my mom(they were divorced). it was hard enof living in two houses. when he passed away i was engaged to a guy named Brian. he was everything to me. my dad liked him my mom loved him. it was perfect. 2 months after my dad passed he left me for this girl dee.. now this pissed me off cause in 9th grade i fought this ***** for trying to take my man. now she wasnt not hing to good to look at so i was wondering why he left me… he told me it was cause i changed. i changed because i didnt know how to deal with the fact that my dad was gone. it killed me in side and was slowly killing me outside. so 3 days after he left me i took 10 xanies and slit my wrists. i didnt want to live i wanted to see my dad again.. i felt as though i was sleeping.. i saw my dad and my sister and my 2 grandpa’s. they all looked at me with dissapointment. my dad put his arm around me like he used to when i did somthing stupid and said ” its ok hunny, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. you must move on with your life. im fine so stop worring.” i looked at him and cried my eyes out. i told him i wanted him to come home and i didnt want to be alone anymore. he said ” your not alone sweetheart, i will always be there in your heart. i hear you when you talk to me at night. i am very proud of you for finally graduating and staying strong in your worst time. go home hunny and live your life. i love you now go home.” i love you to daddy!!! ” be nice to your mother” he said.
i woke up in the hospital bed to my mom crying. i didnt know wat was wrong cause i was laughing. my dad always had a sick sense of humor. he knew me and my mom couldnt stand each other. when the doctors told me i had been dead for 2 min, i got really scared. it made me relise that i could do it if i wanted to but why would i want to know. i got what i was looking for closer from my daddy. i hope when somone reads this they see that suicide isnt the answer. i know i had a nice experince because i saw my dad again, but it wasnt nice. to hear that you were dead and not staying that way is scary and not fun. i relised that my family does love me even though my dads side treats me like shit. i know in my heart that they will have to answer to my dad when they get there.
since this whole thing i have found God. i knew him before but not like i do now. i am getting ready to go to college to become a psycotheripist to help teens and adults with suicidal problems. so i figured a good way to start is by telling my story..
be safe and my God be with you!!

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