I have no friends acquaintances or family. Alone and depressed for nearly 60 years. I keep getting an image of reaching for a gun to bring relief. I made a serious attempt in 1989 with more than a gallon of poison. Why I survived I do not know. For anyone that thinks a person that does not succeed isn’t serious, bull. I have met guys that jumped from the Golden Gate, shot themselves in the head, taken cyanide and lived. In fact the ones that don’t really intend to die are the most likely to survive. I have been on antidepressants for 40 years. But it is life’s situarion that holds me in this abyss, this prison of hopelessness.
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I have been depressed for about 35-40 years, so you’re one of the few people I can identify with. I have tried about 33 medications (that I can count), and nothing has helped. I have never stopped to count all my hospitalizations. I am so tired of people telling me “depression is treatable” or “it feels like forever, but it isn’t.” Well, for some of us unlucky ones, cruel mental illness is forever.
I wish I could contact you personally, but I am new to this site, and don’t know if people can e-mail each other. But know that someone else can identify with you.
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