December 5th, 2008 by ------

people love you
people care about you
people dont want to see you hurting

my dad didnt know that …he was ill, clinically depressed, i couldnt save him

i was only 10 but i feel the hurt every single day and im now 17
i have depression myself …but i refuse to let it beat me …i will not hurt people the way he hurt me … even though i love him i still hate him for what he did ..
i must sound like such a horrible person but i do hate him ='[[ it hurts me so much but i do …i cant help it …

i have an amzing boyfriend …we ave been together for over a year now …and i have cried many times that he will never meet my dad …i will never gain my dads approval, and he is the man that i want to spend the rest of my life with …my dad will never meet him
…he will also never scold me for staying out to late, never disapprove of my new piercings, never see me graduate, never be driven to the shops by me, never see me walk down the isle, never hug me when when i feel alone, never see some of my art and say that he is proud of me … dad will never see the woman that i am becoming ..he will never share the special moments of my life with me

when i was young i promised my dad that i would build a house next to the motorway directly in the middle of where my mum lives and where he lived, i told him that i would take him to the pub when i turned 18 and i told him that i would have a super fast car so that we could see eachother whenever we wanted to (i was only young)

my dad was my superman and he meant the worl to me mean the world to someone out there, even if you cant see it, even if you feel totally alone, someone out there is thinking of you and cares about you

if you do one thing today then please think about this post, think about the tears that will be shed …and the future happinesses that will be lost

i blame myself …and i hate myself for not saving him
dont give someone that guilt for the rest of their life

Processing your request, Please wait....