I’ve been depressed before, but never like this. I’m young, but I’ve experienced my share of bad things. I’ve had my bestfriends die, been abused by a boyfriend, lost all of my friends… everything. I’ve thought about killing myself before too, but never this bad. I haven’t eaten or slept in days. The only person that seemed to care about me, left me. I love him. He told me we were always going to be together, and we had plans to get married and move in together. That’s all changed now, cause he “wants space”. I have no friends because thanks to him, all of my friends dislike me. I left all of my friends to spend every day with him. I loved it… he said he did… but I guess he lied. It seems like he’s lied to me about everything he’s ever said to me. I can’t deal with this pain I’m going through. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but it hurts like hell. Growing up, I was abused, and I was always the “ugly duckling”. My father never took care of me… my mom remarried to a man I strongly dislike… none of this may seem bad to you, but trust me, it hurts like hell. I’m starting to lose a lot of weight because I haven’t eaten. I’m not hungry. I don’t want to eat. I haven’t been able to sit for five minutes without crying. I hate this. I don’t want to feel this pain anymore. The only reason I haven’t done anything, is because I don’t want to put my mother through pain. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here writing this right now. I’ve experimented with a lot of drugs, and all that’s done is gotten me broke and made me feel worse the next day. I do feel that I need drugs to keep myself together though. What drugs have I done, you ask? I’d rather not say. Everyone in my family has a substance abuse problem. It’s hard to deal with. This pain that I feel is becoming unbearable and I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I don’t know what I can do to help myself. I don’t want to be in a hospital, as much as that may help. I just want my head not to be as messed up as it is….
Can someone please help me?