Is Anybody Out There?

  January 7th, 2009 by cocoabean15

I’ve been hospitalized for suicide attempts before…I didn’t like it. I used to cut myself and didn’t care if anyone saw me do it or saw the outcome. I’ve begun to cut myself once again. I know I need help but the hard part is asking for it. I was molested by my father when I was 14. That was the hardest year of my life. I remember having to go to court on my birthday. Nothing was done with the case because there was no physical evidence so i lied and said he raped me. I wanted him to be punished for what he did. However, that didn’t help. I had to go back to court, talk to my psychologist, and face my family. It was hard. After that is when i tried to kill myself. I remember walking into the kitchen and grabbing the biggest knife I could find. I placed it against my throat and was about to slice through my flesh when my mom walked in. She immediately grabbed me from the floor and took the knife from my hands. She called my psychologist and then took me to the hospital. I was only there for six days…I don’t think it helped. As a matter of fact I know it didn’t help. It wasn’t too long after that when I became depressed again. I was on three different types of anti-depressants and none were working. So I stopped taking them. I still take meds today…when I choose to…it’s not like they help…but I feel horrible. I cry for no reason. My stomach hurts all the time, so does my head. I vomit after I eat. I’m always so cold. I have come to believe that I can’t get out of this “funk”. I just need to know that there is someone out there that can help me. I know there are others out there who feel the same way. But I don’t think I can go on any longer like this. If anyone responds, I just ask one thing. Please don’t judge me.

Processing your request, Please wait....