I don’t want to go into a lot of detail about how I got to where I’m at so I’ll keep things short, I have a beautiful wife which I love dearly and 4 beautiful daughters. I am fairly sure that my wife is no longer in love with me, and she is very unhappy with where we are living and wants to move back to her home town- leaving me with the dilema of losing her (my best freind and wife) and 2 of my daughters, or moving with her and losing my other 2 daughters (from previous marriage). And as if having to chose between the 2 parts of what makes you who you are isn’t enough, I’m also trying to cope with this woman who I’m so in love with falling out of love with me, and my financial situation is beyond bad. My wife was laid off , and I’ve been trying and trying to make ends meet with my full time job and working other jobs as they come available, but I have to say- I’m failing- I can’t do it, I just can’t get caught up, bills are behind, collections are calling, and I can’t help but think about my family’s future. As a man, I feel my responsiblity is to provide for my family and create the opportunity for happiness for them: I’m not doing it, I’m trying, but it’s not happening, we’re broke, my wife’s unhappy, and I’m facing losing 2 of my children. I try to look to the future for hope that something will make things better, but there isn’t anything that’s ever going to happen to change the situation I’m in (financial-possibly, but nothing else). As I sit and look at what options are available, I really am only seeing one. I have an excellent life insurance policy through my employer, and with AD&D it nearly doubles. I’ve considered what it would mean, my daughters wouldn’t have a father, but they’re young enough that I think they’d be OK, after all I’ll be losing 2 of them whether I live or not, not to mention I’m not exactly the greatest father to them now, I’m usually telling them to go play while I’m busy trying to work or something. So my kids, although would miss me, would have stability and money for college and an opportunity for happiness and a brighter future. My wife, well, I know she’d be ok- she wouldn’t have to worry about anything, she’d be left with a large amount of money and could move on and find true happiness back home, I know our 2 girls would be in good hands with her. I don’t have any real freinds or family- I’m somewhat close to my mom, but mostly I think her love for me only goes as far as 2 of my daughters, otherwise I have no one else. I think about dying everyday when I wake up, all througout the day, and still am when I go to sleep at night. I drive a lot, so I constantly am hoping for a fatal accident, I think daily “if a drunk driver were to hit me and kill me, my family would be set”.
I’m not planning to do anything, but I know the “warning signs” are suicidal thoughts, researching methods, etc., and the more I read, the more scared I get. I’ve got no one to talk to, no one to help me, and although I’ve got the 5 most beautiful women in the world around me everyday, I feel so incredibly alone. I’ve lost my ability to cope with all life keeps throwing at me, and I’m running out of options.
thanks for hearing me out.
bless you all!!
2 comments
Hi
I read your piece with some understanding as some of my experiences are similar to yours. I think, hard though it is, you do need to talk to someone, maybe to seek relationship counselling with your wife so that it is easier for you to talk to each other, but also you need help and support now for you, whether a friend or a counsellor. When I read what you poted I can see that you have so much to live for, but I can also see the stresses that are dragging you down and the feelings of responsibility you bear, and how that can make it feel so very very bad.
I wonder when I read your writing just how many of us now are struggling financially, as well as emotionally (because all relationships do take their toll), and something that I know in my head for me, but has not got through, is that by somehow lowering the stresses, and rethinking our lives it is possible to get out of this dark tunnel, and find a new future.
You do have options. I don’t know what they are, but it sounds as if you want to find them. Please read more about practical financial and relationship solutions, and less of methods. I really do know it’s hard.
Good Luck.
I just came across your post. I never contribute to online conversations and sites, but decided today was the time to start. It’s 8 months since you posted your plea. I can’t know what’s happened since then but I hope you might still be talking to others and reading this site.
I can understand your pain and fear and confusion. We think we can approach life with logical solutions and move on until we can’t. It’s just not how things work. and I want to say that THAT’S the GOOD NEWS.
A few thoughts for you to consider.
Break things down — don’t take it all in at once.
You are not responsible for keeping everyone happy. You cannot bend and twist your life in reaction to someone’s unhappiness — it won’t work. Everyone has needs and unhappiness, but we don’t have the power to complete and fill them all.
Most importantly — money is the least effective solution to most of our emotional pain — though it carries such weight in our lives — it can blind us to the fact that you are loved and needed to a degree that has nothing to do with money-earning abilities – YOU MUST BELIEVE THAT YOUR FAMILY WILL SUFFER AWFULLY TO LOSE YOU – NO AMOUNT OF MONEY IN THE WORLD WILL MAKE UP FOR LOSING YOU. YOUR ARE NEEDED AND LOVED. YOUR CHILDREN NEED A FATHER FOR MUCH MORE THAN FINANCIAL SUPPORT.
Secondly — moving away from your 2 daughters does not mean you are LOSING them. It means it’s harder to see them — but your connection in your heart goes well beyond being physically there. Visits, phone calls, letters, and your love for them no matter where you are will keep you connected. Did either of your parents work or travel alot? Is there someone you care about that you Didn’t you feel they were in your life even when you didn’t see them often.
If you’re wife wants to be near her family out of loneliness — that’s a valid need, but you can ask her for some love and understanding for your position. Ask her you would require a certain amount of regular time with your other daughters — either travelling to visit them or welcoming them to your home on a regular basis.
I have more to say — but I must keep it simple for now.
Just please know that you can’t see solutions from inside your pain.
Don’t do it — there’s more to life — you are needed on this earth. You are loved.