Love Kills

Im fiveteen years old and I fell inlove with this beautiful girl when I entered eight grade. Its amazing the way she makes me feel, the first time I saw he I saw he beautiful blue/mix green eyes. I never really talk to her I just talk about her to my best friend. But then a few months down the road everything went good to bad. One night I wake up to a phone call from my ex-girlfriend saying that my bestfriend died in a car crash by a drunk driver, at first I couldn’t beilve her I texted him went down stairs and see the rest of my family downing in the own tears. The worst part about somebody you care dies is everybody coming up to you and saying there sorry that he/she died all it does it makes it worse you already know it happend you dont need to be reminded. After his death I became depressed and suicidal. I would just come straight come after school and think of way I could kill myself. That summer(about 9-10 months after he died) I texted the only person who could prevent me from hurting myself and that was the girl I have fallin in love with. I was nervous as hell to text her but turns out she more amazing and wonderful then I thought she in a surf contest. After a couple of days we started going out then after two days she told me that her dad has been hitting her ever since she was little, I help her with all her problems and she said she could’t ask for a better boyfriend. After a couple months she broke up with me n broke my heart, she told me about a week earlier that her ex-boyfriend got back together with her one time by sweet talking to her and that I was amazing at she said. But the more I did the more I pushed her away and the more I became suicidal and depressed I started blaming myself for everything and still do till with day without her and my bestfriend my life is really pointless my family doesnt even like me, im not that smart(I have LD), I have nobody to talk to about my problems n therapy doesn’t work for me,I pray to god that one night when I go to sleep that I wont ever wake up so I can see my bestfriend again because he was the only person that ever like me for me ever since we were three.