Not Sure if this is the right sort of thing to be posted here, please take it down if it is wrong but here goes:
Isolated and alone, cut off from the world around her, kept away from friends and family, locked in a life full of torture. Her life meant nothing to her; she was ready to give it up, ready to take the final leap of faith. Plummet to the ground to be hit by the oncoming train, the force of the impact would be her final moment of pain, but at the same time a final sigh of relief. It was over the life she had hated for six years was over. She could now relax and leave every ounce of pain behind her. Her friends and family would be distraught, broken and ashamed of her. She gave them a few seconds of thought before she jumped, she could count on one hand the people that really cared for her. The rest had helped to make her life a misery. Bullied, humiliated and broken, this girl had been living a life full of resentment and pain, exaggerated by her own mind. It played tricks on her making her think people cared when they didnâ€™t. She wasnâ€™t loved. No one cared. Not really. So she had to make them love her. She needed that love. She needed it to survive. So out came the lies, one after the other, each time it was bigger more horrific and to the people that did care it broke them. It went on for years until she couldnâ€™t cope anymore. It was all too much. The depression took hold, out came the old cutting tools, the alcohol and the late nights, little sleep and little food. She hated everything she had become. And she wishes now as she writes this that, that leap of faith could have become reality, in fact I am too scared to do anything. I struggle everyday to get out of bed and I struggle everyday to breathe. The shame I have to live with is the best punishment, living everyday knowing the pain I caused, the hurt and the misery. I was selfish and deranged. I needed help then and I need it now, more than anyone could ever comprehend. But my broken nature, my self-destructive attitude and my fear means I canâ€™t. I feel trapped inside my body and donâ€™t know how to escape. I need a life line, someone to take my hand and lead me to where I need to be. Help recovery and acceptance because although you may have forgiven me I havenâ€™t forgiven me and that will be my downfall.