A lot of people think it takes a while to become severely depressed. I got there in about 2 days.
It’s relatively simple, and kind of silly that I’m so worked up over basically nothing. I’ve been dating the same girl for a year. We’ve had a long of troubles, but we both love each other a lot. Recently she revealed that (once again) she’s not sure if this is going well. She feels there are problems with us. The stress I feel in attempts to fix the problems, is only stacked on the fact I was rejected from the college I hoped to attend. So my love life is failing, as well as my academic dreams. Then I find out my girlfriend was accepted to my dream college. Of course, I’m basically losing her at this point. Just a matter of time.
No problem, I say. I’ll get in one way or another. There’s lots of paths to college.
I’m okay (sort of, except for the romance thing). I get my report card today. I get 2 A’s, a D, and an F. That’s okay. I have 2 A’s. That never happens to me! I usually get B’s, C’s, and D’s!
Then once I’ve gotten home, my mom calls. She asks about my report card. I explain my grades. She cuts me off and basically says I’m never getting into that college I like. NEVER. She tells me to go see my guidance counselor tomorrow, and I try to explain I need to get an appointment, but she cuts me off and asks me if I want to argue with her some more, “smartass”.
So let’s see- I have no real talents except for writing. I am apparently never getting into a good college. I am losing the one girl that actually makes me want to give a shit about the rest of the world. I have a bitchy mother. I have no idea how I got that F (I had turned in any missing assignments there was).
I tried to call my girlfriend to get some sort of comfort, even if it was a simple “don’t hurt yourself”, but she doesn’t pick up house or cell. I’m here in what I feel is mild desperation.
Like I said, it’s pretty pathetic of me to be this stressed out over stupid little things, but I am. I want to curl up and die in my sleep.
So here I am for some sympathy and hope.
Please don’t hate me for that.
7 comments
No sympathy. Are you unable to acquire the help to improve your grades from your teachers/tutors/etc? Sadly, there’s no free rides into colleges, and it does take a lot of effort on your end; there’s only you looking out for #1, and it’s a hard road.
Sounds like this could be your first girlfriend. Do you believe a relationship with a girlfriend should involve conversations like, “Don’t hurt yourself.”? That statement already defined it as rather unhealthy, and it seems you’re looking for someone to comfort you instead of something mutually beneficial for you both. Someone else can’t “make” you be happy; they can improve your happiness or increase your stress (often varies), but they don’t have access to a magical switch that turns on your happiness.
You really ought to find an activity that relaxes you, to take your mind off of things; give yourself some time to reflect and learn from what’s going on around you.
Richard is right. Think about it from your girlfriend’s point of view. Is it fair to torture her into showing you affection with threats of self-destructive behavior? People often drift apart; it is a fact of life. Do you want her to throw away her dreams because you can’t get into the same school? That sounds rather selfish to me. Be happy for her instead.
You may find as you grow older that most people have something interesting to offer any relationship, and that the myth of a “one true love” is absurd. However, before throwing yourself into another relationship just to plug the void left by the last girl, I would consider working out some of your issues first, with a therapist if need be, and concentrate on doing some hard inner work.
Hard work is also the key to getting into a good college…if your grades are marred then you may want to focus on studying for your SAT and getting high marks. If you are a good writer, you may also have an advantage in composing your required collegiate essays. Lastly, be sure to make use of the resources available to you, like your guidance counselor. Don’t be too proud to accept help from others.
I’m afraid that they’re right; getting sympathy won’t be doing you any favors. I’m really sorry about the girl, but if she was right for you then you wouldn’t need to worry about her leaving you or something. 🙁 It hurts me to say that because the guy in my life right now I would never be able to live without. But you have to know that there will be someone someday that will never leave you. I know that doesn’t help much as it is, but that’s all I’ve got right now.
The thing about the college really sucks. I’m sorry. But again, sympathy doesn’t help. What happened with the grades? :\ Instead try what your mom said, even if she was bitchy about it. Meet with your guidance counseleor and try to work out a more realistic goal for your future.
You’ll be ok. I’m sorry.
I’m afraid that they’re right; getting sympathy won’t be doing you any favors. I’m really sorry about the girl, but if she was right for you then you wouldn’t need to worry about her leaving you or something. 🙁 It hurts me to say that because the guy in my life right now I would never be able to live without. But you have to know that there will be someone someday that will never leave you. I know that doesn’t help much as it is, but that’s all I’ve got right now.
The thing about the college really sucks. I’m sorry. But again, sympathy doesn’t help. What happened with the grades? :\ Instead try what your mom said, even if she was bitchy about it. Meet with your guidance counseleor and try to work out a more realistic goal for your future.
By the way, I can tell that you’re an excellent writer. Make something of that.
I go through my times of depression. Some worse then others. The whole thing about the bitchy mom, I deal with the samething. I’ve kind of came up with a forget you atitude when she wants to start. The college thing, not everyone gets into their dream school, thats what back ups are for. And just try to get in later. The girlfriend thing, have you ever and stoped to think how your depression affects her? My boyfriend, well now ex, would take out his depression on me. I finally got tired of it and ended it. Something I have learned is, people wont change unless they really want to. Sad as it is I can’t fully commit to change. Just because feeling depressed is something I have felt for more then half my life already. If you really want to be with your girlfriend and get into the college of your dreams, start by changing you. It’s just some food for thought.
i want to die today i cant giv reply