Here it goes again.

  February 9th, 2009 by bellodisastro

First off,I guess I’ll just explain my backstory,so you can see how I got to this point.

I was born in Texas,in 1994.When I was six months old,I was adopted by my grandparents,because my real parents never wanted a kid.
I grew up as a normal kid,until I was almost 8.
That’s when my adoptive dad,(my grandpa),died.
At first,it didn’t really sink in.
It took almost three years for me to realize he was really dead.
That was the first time I tried to commit suicide.
It obviously didn’t work,and I’m still trying to decide if that’s a good thing.
I decided to tell my mom,and she automatically put me in therapy.To her suprise,it didn’t change anything.
I started dressing more “emo”,and my family automatically shunned me.
You see;they’re extremely devote cathlics.And my change in dress was obviously a sign from the devil.
I started cutting around the age of 12,and it temporarily relieved the pain,for about a year.
And then I moved away from everyone,all my friends since I was litte.
Here is where suicide attempt numero dos happened.
I hated the new town,the new people,and my family for making me live here.
Then I met some of my best friends to this day,Ali and Morgan.
I’ve always been somewhat of a hopless romantic,so relationships for me were frequent and dramatic.
I never really “loved” any of my boyfriends,but that was soon to change.
I then start my freshman year in high school,and I had just met the one guy I have ever loved.
His name was Aaron,and he is the best thing to ever happen to me.
When we first met,he had a girlfriend of over a year in another state.There goes my plans.
So his bright idea,since he liked me too,is just to cheat on her with me.I knew it was bad,but I didn’t care,for I was with him,
But she breaks up with him,and we start dating.Naturally,all of our friends are straight up pissed.
And they had every right to be.
We started dating around the end of September,and around mid-october,he asks me to marry him.
At first,I didn’t believe him and said no.
But then I warmed up to the idea,and I liked the way it sounded.
Harley Clark.
I said yes on one condition-I have every right to change my mind until senior year.
Now everyone thinks I’m crazy,because I’m 14 and engaged.
I couldn’t be happier.
Things are going smoothly up until about last saturday;when he saw his ex-girlfriend Abby,for the first time since the breakup.
I don’t know what happened,but all I know is I get a text at three in the morning that says this-
“Baby,I’m sorry,but I think need to give her one last chance,cause it would be really bad,if I was just to be with you,if I might have feelings for someone else,I love you,I understand if you’re mad,this makes me a bad person,I’m sorry.”
Oh,did I forget to mention the fact that this girl,Abby,has cheated on hin 5 TIMES?
6th times the charm,I guess.
At first,I was just stunned.I couldn’t breathe,and couldn’t stop shaking.
Thankfully two of my friends,Barton and Blake,helped me through the first minutes,and hours.
I was fine with it,or as fine as I could be,at least,up until about yesterday.
I got so livid,and stayed that way for a while.
Morgan said I wasn’t depressed yet because it hadn’t really sunk in,and she was right.
It sunk in about two hours ago.
Now I’m at this point where I want to die,because he’s gone,but I also want to live,just to prove that I’m stronger than that manbitch.
I’m just not sure which side of me is stronger,yet.

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