Miserable!

Where do I begin? I’m 20 and married to a wonderful man and I love my life with him( When I am actually with) for the most part until he started this new job. He’s in the mililary and I know its demanding! I’m having a really hard time dealing with constantly being alone for 16 or more hours of the day alone, my only friends are my dog, turtle and cat. I have friends but they are almost a hour away and it’s hard to even spend time with them with their busy schedules, So thats makes it harder for me. My husband recently said he was thinking about a divorce, and I’m not sure if it was because we were mad and said things that hurt each other or if he really wants one. We’ve talked since the fight and agreed to make it work. Since then I’ve been scared to talk to him about anything. So I don’t feel like I have anyone to go to. I talk to my mom and my friends everyday and they’ve been a huge help! Well today I talked to my sister in law and she made me feel like I wasn’t being a good wife and I was doing all these other things wrong. So I thought I could call my cousin to talk to her about something that I was alittle upset about that didn’t even have to do with my husband and his job. So I took all I could of her constructive criticism that I could and I just said I had to go. I broke down as soon as I hung up. I don’t know what is was but that just hurt so bad on top of everything that I’ve been going through. That feeling I got before i tried killing myself almost a year ago came back. I learned after I lived that it was going to take more than 20 pills to kill me and that I wouldn’t do that again cause I lived and the pain I went through to stay alive was pretty bad. So I started to think about what I could do that I knew I couldn’t live through. And this came up after I saw my options and half of them were not very practical for me. Which only pissed me off even more. I feel more like a failure that I couldn’t even kill myself the first time and the planning to kill myself for the second time is harder than I thought. I want to get help but I know that his whole office will know and he doesn’t know that it’s this bad cause I can’t talk to him half the time and the time we have i don’t want to bring up my own problems. I’ve told him I wanted to get help with the depression and anxiety so that I could be able to deal with it. Then he told me that it would be a good idea but if medical found out that my doctor prescribed anything for depression and anxiety that they would more than likely contact his boss and they would want to know why and he’s already told them more than I want anyone other than my husband, close family and friends to know. So I’m running out of options. I don’t know what else I can do.