FIRST OF ALL: IMA LESBIAN. I WAS ADOPTED BEFORE MY BIRTH MOTHER GAVE BIRTH. I WAS BORN IN MEXICO & BROUGHT HERE. WHEN I REACHED MIDDLE SCHOOL MY PARENTS STARTED ABUSING ME [MORE VERBALLY & EMOTIONALLY THEN ANYTHING] & IVE BEEN STRUGGLIN WIT THE FACT THAT I WAS ‘ABANDONED’. I JUS CANT DEAL WIT ME BEING ALONE. I HAVE NO FAMILY. I AM AN ONLY CHILD. SO ITS JUST ME. & MY GF………………
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i dont know why im doing this. im such a private person. but idk no body cares anyways. fuk it. this is jus a message i jus wrote to my homegirl. jus about the only homegirl i have left. && i owe her a lot to stik around after all my gf has done. im fuk tired of being that girl ppl stare at and point at and jus FUKN WALK BY. WHY THE FUK DOESNT ANYONE FUKN CARE. CUZ I DID THIS TO MYSELF? FUK….i guess right? but right now im jus lost. idk. im 21 about to be 22 fukn years old & this is how it is. oh well maybe more of you will undrstand now.
damn you suck to not get bak….idk wat to do.
i dont think i love my gf anymore. shes jus always fukn mad. for no reason she’ll jus yell. shes mean to our dog we jus got && the way she yells at him for nuttin, jus makes me think.
i dont wantt this. but fuk. wat am i supposed to fukn do? im really torn over this && i dont have anyone to fukn talk to. my bf is off wit her new bby && never gets online && has a new number i dont fukn know.
i jus dont feel it anymore. i dnt think love is supposed to be this. i see her && i’ll smile when she looks at me, but she doesnt even notice. she jus looks away, i talk to her & she’ll always say ‘wat? oh no i didnt see or no i didnt hear you srry’ its jus weird. i mean fuk we dont even touch anymore. we got in a fight the other day. && it hurt.
why the fuk am i the girl to get hit? i dont lie, i dont cheat. wtf? it makes me think im not good enough for anyone, & i jus keep cryin all the time & try to hide it. i have bruises on my chest from her pushin me, my neck from her chokin me,my arms from her grabin me, i even have bruises on my ass & head from here throwin me on the fukn floor. do you know how much that fukn hurt? FUCk.
but i cant leave. i have no where to go. i got kicked out 1 month ago, so ive been here at the hotel, i dnt have any money. its jus her & i dont know how long it will be till i break. im afraid. & i know i sound stupid but im so tired & i stay awake cuz this is the only time i have to myself. damn sorry if i stepped over the line of our friendshiip but damn idk anymore.
P.S. MY ‘HOMEGIRL’ STOPPED TALKN TO ME AFTER THIS MESSAGE. I GUESS WE WERENT THAT CLOSE.
1 comment
Adoption bit: You where adopted before you where born. That doesn’t mean your birth mom didn’t want you. It had nothing to do with you. She probably just couldn’t have you. But someone must have wanted you if you where adopted right away right?
Suicide bit: I don’t think you want to kill yourself. You just don’t know what to do. You might not feel that you have anything or that there is no reason to live. Not that this works for me, but in your case: Try to find something to live for. You’re life is probably not worthless and you’re just in a bad time right now.