So it all started in the fifth grade, My uncle had just died from cancer. I was sad of course. I started to wear alot of black. People of course did’nt care all they did was call me gothic and emo. My life was just so stupid, I didn’t know what to do at the age of 10, I had friends but why would I tell them anything?Â So I just became really isolated and just kept to myself, I thought this was just a new to live life, But then my mom was diagnosed with deppresion and Bipolar, Before that my parent’s split upp, my mom was an acholic and to this day still is. But anyway I saw this show called A haunithing and the girl she cut herself and she said it was to releive strees. I Tryed it and well I didn’t really feel anythin. I countinued to cut, but as the year went on more and more people foung out until it reached my teacher, she sent me to a school counsler and really it was no help! She justÂ said you have no reason to cut! but I stoped and all that summer I stayed locked up in my room. My softball couches were kinda wiereded out that I wore black in the middle of summer. I guess you could say I asked for help when I told my cusin all they said I your stupid for doing that, and they all got freaked out! I always thought I could trust my cusins!
So it was time to go to school again and I didn’t want to go to the middle school my sister went to the one my mom wanted me to go to, I was afraid to beccause I didn’t want people to think anything of me. I thought I wouldn’t fit in and i would be the outcast again! so I begged my parents to let me go to john adams where all my cusins were going, they said yes so I stuck to my cusins and never made any real friends.
So I never really stoped cutting and this time I had thoughts of suicide! just a simple slit to my throat would end it all I would be better off. So I went to 21st century the school I really did’nt want to go to! I made the wrong choice but my mom was happy I was swiching schools. but on top of all that my mom wasn’t working she was on disability for her bipolar, (just so you no my parents are together again). And it was like we never had money for anything! so my first day at my new school was like retarded I new all the fake sluts from 5th grade, and all you could see was them judeing me! all my teachers were cool but it was just new and I was scared! But over a few weeks I got to no some people, they were pretty cool, like my ex-best friend sam she was cool and we became friends we had the same life and we both cut.
But I learned she was a back stabber and she lied about everyting. I think that year the only thing I turned to was music. Me and sam got in too many fights and I gave her 1 too many chances but we were friends that whole year. And everyone at school was bulleying me again! Your emo! Go cut yourself! go cry in a corner you emo kid! It really hurt! some people would even cut themselfes to mock me!
but me and my cusins got into a major fight. because I apperantly changed, I see nothing wrong with changeing but I really didn’t. My cusin biancas birhtday was coming up and I was happy that I was going, but me and jasmine were still in a fight. So I got a call from bianca that the party was canceld. so I took it that it was but In realtiy it wasn’tÂ I found out from my grandma it was’nt and well my dad got mad! I just didn’t care!
Summer came me and sam were stiill close friends I thought things were getting better for me I was’nt always stressed out. and I had I good summer. I gave my cusins a secondÂ chance, and me and bianca were closer then ever. My softball team won state. I had a great summer.
When school started in september, I was happy to be back, too see sam. I got all the classes I wanted. I thought I was gonna have a great year. I met new friends and for once I was popular. I really didn’t care about my old friends. but afterÂ like 4 monthes I was just yesterday news. Me and sam were falling apart all she wanted was attention all she wanted was to be popular! So I mean we got In fights too, all the begining of that year. I Got sick and tired of it so I said I don’t want to be your friend anymore and she really didn’t care! I was sad cause we had a great friendship when we were’nt fighting. The cutting got worse with me and other people I found out that people were cutting themselfes for attention.
But were they really It seemed like the mocking got worse they all seemed to be showing me there cuts! It seemed like the roumors got worse. I’m just soÂ sick of the popluar kids acting like there better than me better then everyone.I lost like5 friends and those friends were so close, It’s like everyone wants to popular and they’ll do anything to be popular! And you no now I just feel like why should I live my life has been so awful and I’ve already been diagnosed with deppresion! I feel like my only esacpe is suicide because no one cares anymore about mee!
nobody has time for me.Â I honestly think this is the end!