Its how I feel most of the time. I want to say I just feel stupid most of the time but that’s not the word I’m looking for. I’m extremely hard on myself and reaching out for help is something I hardly ever do. I guess you could say I’m the type who always offers to help ((even people I don’t know)) but never actually asks for help myself especially when I need it. I try to help people as best I can on this site by offering to listen to them, but I feel as if no one will listen to me ((on and off the site)). I don’t blame people for that, I know everyone is different and some people just don’t want to hear other peoples’ problems. That’s fine. I just wish sometimes at least one person would really ask me if I’m okay or if I wanted to talk about it.
I will say I don’t have a bad life by any means, its just I feel so inadequate and insignificant most of the time. I complain when I feel like I shouldn’t be and as I sit here writing this I feel like a ***** for wasting your time. I know there are more important things going on in the world then some person bitching about their life just because they’re not happy. I’m not religious by any means so that whole “talking to god” thing doesn’t work. I just…I’m not sure anymore. I guess I’m feeling this way because I took more Oxycontin tonight ((not to kill myself, just to take it)) as I have struggled with addiction to it for about 4 years. I had been clean from it for about…7 months now, and I just completely fucked that up tonight. But the question remains, why did I take it? I used to take it because I was depressed, but then things got better, now they feel worse than before.
I’m so frustrated with myself to the point I hate myself. I’m mad at myself for writing this. I don’t want to be one of those people that bitches about their life when its average. I don’t want to waste your time and I’m sorry.
Maybe I would be better off dead, I don’t know. It’s not like I haven’t tried to kill myself before, I just suck at it. And it’s not like I don’t have friends, they just suck at understanding.
I don’t know anymore.
I apologize for wasting your time, I was just looking for someone to talk too.
No one understands how much I just want someone to talk too.
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4 comments
i feel the exact same as u in every way, its almost as if i wrote it all. i feel inadequate, insignificant, unimportant, unappreciated and am filled with feelings of self-hatred and guilt over just being myself. i almost when thru with suicide last week if it wasnt for a good friend. the thoughts dont go away and they are terrifying. i never ask for help, never. i dont want to burden anyone or assume that they even care cause if i assume they care i feel selfish and self-obsessed. we treat ppl how we want to be treated, thats y u are so willing to help others cause u only want the same in return. well you’re not alone, and from counselling i know why im like this. maybe it will help u too
You sound like a smart, and objective person, so I’m sure you’ll get through this. Everyone gets fed up with life. That’s why we need to look out for each other. Somewhere down the road somebody will really need your help, and if you kill yourself now, you won’t be there for them. I can say that I’ve felt similar to the way you describe many times, and it’s usually made worse by the guilt of feeling like my life is to privileged for me not to be enjoying it. I also know how weak it makes me feel to ask for help on anything… so I commend you on that. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. Also go to fmylife.com… it’s good for a laugh and puts things in perspective.
Sam
You can email me if you like at mtharther@hotmail.com
I know how it feels to try so hard, do your best and still feel like you should have could have done better. And then you just crush yourself down, it’s not good, I’m not going to lie haha I’m sorry i said that because i already know you know that i just thought i’d tell you anyway : /. If you ever need help talk to someone you can trust about it and if they don’t take you seriouly sit on the floor and just yell at them to pay attention to you! trust me it works 🙂 good luck!
helper