March 11th, 2009by missesMask

I truly understand how you feel life is meaningless. I have felt that way for months and it is very painful. SOme days I think its the day to get it over with, because the pain and hopelessness is just unbearable. This life just feels like a dirty little trick played on us by biology, or cosmology, or whatever. The strange thing is, I think that even though we are suicidal )some of us severely so) I don’t think we really WANT to die. I think we just want answers. THough it seems those answers aren’t reachable (outside ourselves) maybe they aren’t even as important as we think they are. That is how I have survived thus far, by thinking, “these questions I have probably aren’t even that important in the scheme of the universe. I am consciousness, a form of electomagnetic energy, and when my body dies this energy that forms my consciousness cannot, (based on quantum physics) die. What I do also is “put off my suicide for one more day.” SInce I am champion procrastinator of the world, this is no large feat for me. I simply “act lazy” and postpone my crucial plans for the next day. Then the next, then the next, so it doesn’t really happen but I’m still comforted by the possibility of not feeling pain the next day, because the option of leaving this world is still in my hands, and I like that option. I NEED that option. ANother thing that helps me slightly is to know that WE ARE NOT STUCK HERE FOREVER!!!!!
That’s the real beauty of it. WHether we become happy at some point or not, everybody leaves their body at some point, presumably to the same place we were before. Then again if that place doesn’t exist and we are jus accidents of biology with no real meaning, then at least we wont’ be around to hurt anymore!!
Just letting you know that you’re not alone in this. I’m right there with you man )

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