Why I want to die

There is an old saying that claims that The Fool has all that he needs in his travel sack across his back, were he but to stop and look for it. However, I do not think that you are a fool. You seem to be very intelligent and compassionate, even though you claim you have forgotten how to love. You have stated that you wish to provide for your family before you go, even though you earlier stated that they seem unhappy with you.

I do not know exactly what is going on with your family and the other people around you, but there are people in this world that love. As stupid as it seems, I am going to allow myself to be a fool by saying that ** I LOVE YOU **. I don’t care what you have done, or where you have been, or what you will do, or how “clumsy” you are at times, or what you look like or what you like to eat or ANYTHING. What I care about is that you are a human soul that has a beautiful light at the core that radiates and helps to make this world a better place just by you being in it.

You are kind, I know this just by reading your post, but I would say you are kind anyway because I do not believe anyone is evil. Or ugly in any way.

People do things that shouldn’t be done and often cannot be undone, but that does not change that life is precious.

I want you to get through this, and if I can help I will, but others are out there that feel the same way about you. Why else would I type all this? As a joke? That would be a lame joke, in my opinion.

No, I want you to heal. I want you to get past these feelings and open your heart and realize that even though sometimes things happen that make us hurt, if we tough it out and keep our hearts open we will find happiness in the good things that happen.

I guarantee you that if I was with you for today all day I could write a book about all of the things that there are to notice and embrace to put a little smile on your face.

You could probably just as easily cheer me up on my low days! I bet I miss all kinds of things that should have no problem cheering me up.

Lemme take a moment and see what I’ve been missing..

Well, I’m in a restaurant now, friend, so let’s see here. Someone just picked up a piece of trash that a worker accidentally dropped and they are throwing it in the trash for them. That was really simple, but it put a smile on my face.

Come to think of it, the sun is shining through the windows in an incredible way that is making me smile now, I would have missed that one.

I think I was trying too hard to find things to tell you about because I looked out the window and I hoped that a bird would fly by.

Then two of them flew by, one lovingly after the other!

I just told one of the other people here at the restaurant (I have never met them before) about you and they told me to tell you that it gets better, they had a look of general concern for you and they don’t even know your name.

They don’t care if you are clumsy.

They don’t care how much money you have.

We love you, lots of us, out here in the rest of this crazy and lost world.

It’s a real zoo and sometimes its rough, but there are plenty of us wild animals that want to see you survive and dance with us.

I know what you are saying, I have felt that way before. Probably for different reasons because we have had different things happen to us.

But I’m 6 and a half feet tall, overweight, I have a body odor and bad breath condition (no matter how often I bathe and brush my teeth), I am awkward-looking and I am awkward-moving (I always feel like I’m walking with feet that aren’t mine and I often find myself trying to figure out how you are supposed to walk even though it seems so natural for some people), I have a very strange voice (not the Hollywood type), I have strange thoughts, I’m just weird in general, I say things that people take out of context sometimes, I can’t figure out social situations easily, I am very poor, I have a giant nose, and my hair right now is the size of a small country.

Now imagine me trying to get a date!

If that doesn’t make you laugh, then something will!

Still yet, I am happy right now because I know you will be one day and the rest of us are getting better and healing even though it seems like it is taking forever.

I love you very much, and if you were here I would give you a hug.

Things will work out. You will find happiness with yourself, and then others will notice the change in you as you change them to happier tones.

Hopefully I have helped you realize a tiny amount of how there are options out there for you to be happy just like random people through my life came at just the right time and helped me realize the same.

Dance with us. Share yourself with us. You are a good person and I BELIEVE in you. I consider you to be my friend even though I’ve never met you and there are more of us out there like that.

I bet you are like that. I bet you consider me to be a friend, now, too.

Come with us and spread love and happiness. Sadness is not the only thing out there. I promise you.

Look, I don’t know exactly what to say to you and I can’t possibly know. All I know is that if I open my heart up fully to you right here and now as I have been then you will see the truth and the genuine nature of how much I love you and that it is not hopeless.

If I’ve put even the slightest smile on your face at all, or given you even the smallest amount of hope, I want a deal.

I want you to help me go through life and spread love.

Cheer someone else up with me.

Then they will be dancing with us and they will help us spread even more love.

How can that be a bad thing?

Trust in what you want to trust in. I know you because you have a soul just like me and I know that a small part of you deep down inside wants to believe that everything will be OK but maybe it is scared to show itself out here in the world because of things that have happened and mean things others have done.

Don’t hide that special part of you. That part that will make you an excellent doctor (or whatever profession you decide on). The caring and beautiful soul that wants goodness to spread.

My friend, it begins at the heart. You have to allow yourself to have love in order to help others have it.

Love is one of those great and few things in life that you can take and still give.

Others’ happiness does not rely on yours being sacrificed.

We can all be happy, and dance about it the whole way!

Please cheer up and let the walls around your heart fall down. Don’t be afraid that someone or something is going to come along and stab it or crush it.

Those things cannot hurt a heart that is fully brave.

If you fully open the doors to your heart and let everything in and let everything out, only love will flow and grow. Sadness and troubles will come and go but the love will stay and grow.

Please, I love you, don’t take your precious life for granted and live a long path of regret until you feel safe about hurting yourself.

Be here, now, with me and the rest of us, and embrace this life!

There is plenty to breathe in and out that will make you happy, even as many things are around that make you unhappy, there is still more to make you happy!

I love you. Please be OK. And help us change this world. Spread the love. OK? IS it a deal?