I am only 12. at age 12 my brothers freind at age 18 tryed to rape me. His name is Bidy and right know i am scared to even have a boyfreind. many times i have held a razor blade to my wrist. two cuts and it would all be over. Their is a s on my leg that will be there for forever. The S stands for my best freind first letter in her name Sammy. oh god i love that girl she is like my sister. I have started middle school, and am in track. i cut and cut and cut but it does no good. I have not seen my dad for 8 months and my mother yells at me constantly. i am afraid if she finds out i cut that she will send me to a private school for kids like me. she has said to not dress in black or red any more. she says its to emo. but what she doesnt relize is that i really am emo. there is a scar a S. i love it i lvoe to run my finger over it and fell what i had. even though i lost her as well. i have to go for know. i need to talk to someone who understands me.
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Can you do me a favour?
Fight back that brat before you tortured yourself. It is not fair if you have to suffer. At least avenge that bastard. When death is your own decision, you do not do it because of others. So if you want to die because of anyone I don’t think you should do it. You should live for yourself.
I have a 13 year-old daughter. Reading what you wrote was difficult because I wish I could reach out to you. I tried to imagine what I would say to her if she was writing what you wrote. You may not realize this but you are loved. I don’t want to get all religious on you…but you are loved. There’s a world out there that cares about you. By writing this it shows you want more in your life. You want to feel something. Well, I am trying to send you a feeling of caring and concern that is genuine..that I care about you. I care about my daughter. This may sound like BS…but it’s not. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Several years ago I fell in to a black hole of sadness. It was like a whirlpool …sucking and pulling me down. I didn’t want to live. But through talking to people…my priest, a co-worker/friend, and eventually a therapist…I made it out of my “black hole.” You can too. I’ve had great things happen since then and some bad things too. But I am so glad I came out the other end. You can too. Find someone to talk to.. a professional. Someone at school, or church or on the “help lines” online. You can feel happy again. As I would say to my little girl, “It will be OK, it hurts right now but eventually it will be OK. I love you.”
Gone, the next time you see “Bidy” look him straight in the eye, look right through the worm he is and tell him with all the devil you can muster from your soul, “If you ever touch me again I will come to your house in your sleep and fuck’n KILL YOU you crumb!”
I know you might not be feeling too confident in yourself right now, but you need to direct your rage at the right target and that is not you hon.
Please don’t hurt yourself anymore. Tell someone. You have got nothing to loose. There are people that care and want to help. Don’t despair. God bless.