Last week my husband came to see me so that we could talk. Well he came back the next day and then stayed the nite on friday nite. He had told me we were sole mates and would be together for the rest of our lives. I had to work on saturday so he went to help his mother with yard work. He sent me a text message staing he would be to my house after i got off work at 6. He then sent another text message about two hours later that asked me if i would be upset if he didnt come over cuz he wanted to spend time with his daughter. No problem i thought. He said he would come see me on sunday. Then right before i got off of work he sent me another text message and told me that he was having mixed emotions between me and a ***** that he had been seeing in February(they had split up when he came back to me March 11) I went totally crazy. I just cannot understand how he can fuck with my head like he was doing. I was devestated. I was shaking so badly that i didnt know how i was going to finish my shift, but i did. I kept sending him text messages cuz he wouldnt answer my phone calls. I then sent that ***** a text message telling her that she was a homewrecking whore and she better watch her back because i was gonna hurt her! I also told her that everything he was saying to her he said to me first so not to feel so special! I cried for hours. I just wanted to run my vehicle off the bridge into the river. But i didnt! I called my sister and sat with her until i was calm enuf to drive home.
Once i got home my daughter and her son were home waiting on me. So i couldnt do anything with them here. That would just be cruel! I didnt sleep at all. Everytime i closed my eyes i seen them together. He text me the next day asking me if i was ok. Now how the hell do you think i am??? I then began crying again. I told him that really soon he is not going to have to worry about me. He told me if that is what i think i need to do then just do it and not to call him because he doesnt want to feel like he needs to come stop me. What a piece of crap!! He texts me everyday and checks to make sure i havent killed myself. One day real soon hes going to get a big surprise! I will not answer and then he will see that i finally gave in to my thoughts and just said f@#$ it!!
He jsut doesnt understand that ive been with him for so long that i do not have an identity anymore. I was unsuccessful the last time but the next there will be no saving me!! I am so tired of feeling like im a worthless person. I have never been so low in my pathetic life. Now i cannot pay my bills and i am soon going to be homeless. My vehicle will be getting repo’d soon too. Its like nothing can ever go right. I just cant win for losing. I am so tired of feeling like this. My life is not worth anything anymore. I have lost everyone that has ever meant anything to me. I jsut wish i was strong enuf to fight instead of giving in. I know everyday that i am getting weaker. Dont know how much longer i can hold on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!