Lost Love

  April 5th, 2009 by Scarlet

I am a 14 year old boy, and I had fallen in love with a 16 year old girl, and she had fallen in love with me. We dated for months, and I think most would call our relationship unhealthily obsessive. We spent literally most of every day together, and we could barely bear to be away from eachother. We both thought about the other frequently, and we’d claimed that we always wondered if we were thinking about eachother at the same time. I always forgave her for everything and felt horrible when she gave up something for my sake, such as canceling something to be with me.

But, one week, we had a particularly bad time together; we argued more and when we were together we didn’t say much and I felt awkward and uncomfortable. I thought it was going to get better next week, but it didn’t, and it kept getting worse week after week for nearly a month.

I foolishly decided that she didn’t love me anymore and that our relationship wasn’t going to last any longer. I lied to her when I said I’d always be with her, through good times and bad times. I left her. She didn’t take it well, and she overdosed on drugs, and went comatose for 16 days then died on December 15, 2008.

Now I realize how much I love her and how much I need her. I realize how wonderful she was and she’s probably the best I’ll ever have. How am I supposed to feel knowing someone I loved killed herself because she loved me so much and couldn’t bear the pain of being away from me when I left her? Is there even a life for that? I’m even in denial at sometimes and I have trouble accepting she’s really gone. When I’m alone and crying, I still can’t believe she’s really gone and that this can’t really be happening.

I miss her so much… I still even write to her, even though I know she won’t read it. I just feel like I can never let go.

And on top of that, all but one my friends have drifted away from me. I’ve grown to dislike everything and search for faults and I start to hate people I know more and more. They’ve begun to stop talking to me, because I am always sad and I never want to do anything. And my only friend is someone I don’t know in person, but someone I met over the internet, and she hates it when I’m sad.

How do I get over this loss? I’ve tried calling out for help on the internet several times before, but it doesn’t help much… Thanks for reading.

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