Since this passed January, I am 30 years old.
I have never dated, never kissed a woman, and (obviously) never had sex.
The enormity of what it would take to reverse my current mindset to help alleviate some of the above issuesâ€¦is a hill I donâ€™t try climbing any more; Iâ€™m too far behind at this point. On the good days I push my resignation to the back of my mind, and it just sits there in acceptance. On the bad days, all thoughts of â€œwhat could have beenâ€, the sense of loss, crash home and itâ€™s only for lack of having easy access to a gun that I sit here typing this.
Sitting alone the other day, it dawned on me that in my belief, a life having not experienced love (of a non-family member) is pointless. I thought about how I found it odd that something Iâ€™d never experienced could drive me to wanting to end my life for lack of having experienced it.
If I donâ€™t want to try to reach for that goal any more thenâ€¦why wait?