Nothing complicated here

  April 14th, 2009 by Clockwork

Since this passed January, I am 30 years old.

I have never dated, never kissed a woman, and (obviously) never had sex.

The enormity of what it would take to reverse my current mindset to help alleviate some of the above issues…is a hill I don’t try climbing any more; I’m too far behind at this point. On the good days I push my resignation to the back of my mind, and it just sits there in acceptance. On the bad days, all thoughts of “what could have been”, the sense of loss, crash home and it’s only for lack of having easy access to a gun that I sit here typing this.

Sitting alone the other day, it dawned on me that in my belief, a life having not experienced love (of a non-family member) is pointless. I thought about how I found it odd that something I’d never experienced could drive me to wanting to end my life for lack of having experienced it.

If I don’t want to try to reach for that goal any more then…why wait?

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