April 24th, 2009 by Alexis

I will make this quick because I’m preparing to die any minute. I’ve become so fed up with the world—with all the people who said they’d be there for me when I needed them. I’ve fought with depression for years and its finally got the better of me. I sit here writing this feeling myself drift in and out of consciousness after taking 12 Oxycodon pills and slitting my wrist and I’m kind of upset I’m getting blood all over my keyboard. The love of my life doesn’t love me, isn’t that a pity party everyone goes through? Only I’m not sure people truly understand just how much I love this person. They pushed me out of their life a year ago, and I waited around for them to realize what they did. A year later they came back but they still treat me like shit. I never waver though, I’m still there whenever this person calls, whenever they need a ride, whenever they need anything, I’m always there. I know this person is using me but I love them so much I just want them to be happy. Even if that means sacrificing my own happiness, which is what I intend to do. I cannot go on anymore. I’ve ruined my life, given up on everything, can no longer fit in with society and its just not worth it anymore. I can’t believe I’m crying, this is just getting pathetic. This is why I can’t go on anymore…because I literally hate myself. Hate is an understatement. I cannot stand any part of my disgusting self. And its not my physical appearance that’s disgusting; its the inside. I hate my personality.
I want to say more to you guys, so much more but everything is becoming distant and blurry and I’m just ready.
Ready to be done with this world.

p.s. Kaitlyn, I’m sorry.

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