Went downhill pretty much right after High School

April 23rd, 2009by p.lane

I was a pretty popular man in High School.  Most people seemed to know and like me.  But, 3 years after in a month, I’ve gone nowhere.  No job, no school.  I’m an aspiring writer but don’t know how that’s gonna work out.  I guess the saying’s maybe somewhat true after all that the popular kids don’t do well after high school.  I wasn’t mean to people unless I felt they were mean first so I wasn’t one of the stereotypical popular people in school.  I also did feel suicidal 95% of 2008 and occasionally do this year.  Thank GOD not to that extent though.  I live with dad.  I want to move out and I’ve got no idea if this is a good reason but the economy’s bad and it’s hard to find a job if you don’t have one already obviously.  I’ve also got 6 diagnosed mental disorders.  I don’t drive, don’t date.  I can see why the opposite sex likely won’t even give me a chance due to living with dad, having no job or no car among other things.  That’s not only 3 strikes but 3 strikes plus with the opposite sex there.  I’m not a bad looking man though.  I’m actually quite good looking but  I suppose I don’t or even CAN’T blame them since women are into financial security and what not and I won’t provide that ANYTIME soon.     I don’t know if I’ve got a good future.  By that all I mean is being able to support myself if nothing else.  I have relatively low standards and I suppose it’s alright due to my conditions but I can’t even meet those.  WHY?  I don’t care to be dependent on dad til he dies.  I don’t care to be in a group home.  F that.  Well, on the positive side of things, I’m not damaging dad’s house anymore and my behavior’s good enough for me to keep living with him and my younger brother.  Plus, I don’t think of killing myself near as much as I used to.  Things are going in the right direction just…far slower than I’d like.  Its real irritating.   If you’ve read that all, thanks for your time.

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