at 16 years old im suppost to be having fun going to parties and enjoying my life, right? im suppost to have encouraging friends, look up to my sister? well how come that doesnt work. im pretty experienced in my life, and iv done and been through a lot. this year has been a bit compact for me. it started with my close to 2 year relationship ending abruptly as he used me for sex and told me he loved me and would never hurt me, but 10 hours later i became the ex. i took that pretty hard. then one of my really good friend’s boyfriend took advantage of the fact a was drunk and upset and took everything from me.. and hurt me in a way i hope no other girl feels. next, my sister, left for college and the last words she said to me were i hate you. school started and i was all alone. my aunt died 2 weeks later. and my best friend tried killing himself. i hated everyone. no one knew how i felt. my grades plummeted, my family grew distant, and people were afraid of me.. all i wanted was a friend. so i found enough courage in me to just start talking to people. i became friends with the “popular” crowd. it was rough at first but i eased my way in. then i realized everyone i surrounded myself with were basically tooth picks.. and i forced myself to try and look like that but im still not satisfied. people tell me all the time im not good enough. that being used is my own fault. they tell me getting fucked up is the only way ill ever fit in. my life has forever changed.. at least 4 times a week im on something or drinkin . iv started cutting but its just not enough to make me frget . i wake up everyday asking if itll end today, if ill die.. but every day im another day closer, everything ends .. hopefully sooner then later.. xx
16 rough age, at 16 I was high constantly working for a local drug dealer being violent carring a gun. Hard age, and you’ve been through a lot, now I’m 23 I still have the scars from where I cut the vertical scars along my radial artery are covered by tattoos but they’re still there. Every day since I was 15 I’ve thought about killing myself, tried a couple of times too. I have hope for you though, you’re an articulate young woman who has had a lot to deal with and I wouldn’t dare tell anyone what normal is but for me at that age waking up feeling like that was normal. You are perfect the way you are, cutting only leaves scars and never helps trust me, at your age I had a friend hang herself two weeks after her brother (my best friend) was killed in a car accident, life is hard its twisted and at times it seem wholly unfair. I’m going to share a quote with you its my thing I tell everyone it. Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understand; and that there is always tomorrow. I made it through have the scars to prove it I know you can too. firstname.lastname@example.org thats my MSN if you want to rant or vent or scream or tell me I’m a jerk or if you want to talk with someone who’s been there feel free. One last piece of unsolicated advice stay away from the ‘popular’ crowd they feel the same way you to but their couping mechanism is making others feel worse than they do so be careful and message me some time no lectures just an actual person to talk to who won’t judge
Ah, the popular crowd. In my school, they don’t make fun of people and the popular kids are generally nice. I’m also only in grade 8, still got lots of time to meet mean people. Like most of the people on this site, you suffer from trauma. Councilors actually help that a good percentage of the time. Staying off highs would be better for you, and better for your mood, no highs, no lows or hang overs… they suck.