whats the point?

at 16 years old im suppost to be having fun going to parties and enjoying my life, right? im suppost to have encouraging friends, look up to my sister? well how come that doesnt work. im pretty experienced in my life, and iv done and been through a lot. this year has been a bit compact for me. it started with my close to 2 year relationship ending abruptly as he used me for sex and told me he loved me and would never hurt me, but 10 hours later i became the ex. i took that pretty hard. then one of my really good friend’s boyfriend took advantage of the fact a was drunk and upset and took everything from me.. and hurt me in a way i hope no other girl feels. next, my sister, left for college and the last words she said to me were i hate you. school started and i was all alone. my aunt died 2 weeks later. and my best friend tried killing himself. i hated everyone. no one knew how i felt. my grades plummeted, my family grew distant, and people were afraid of me.. all i wanted was a friend. so i found enough courage in me to just start talking to people. i became friends with the “popular” crowd. it was rough at first but i eased my way in. then i realized everyone i surrounded myself with were basically tooth picks.. and i forced myself to try and look like that but im still not satisfied. people tell me all the time im not good enough. that being used is my own fault. they tell me getting fucked up is the only way ill ever fit in. my life has forever changed.. at least 4 times a week im on something or drinkin . iv started cutting but its just not enough to make me frget . i wake up everyday asking if itll end today, if ill die.. but every day im another day closer, everything ends .. hopefully sooner then later.. xx