I’ve been hospitalized twice for trying to commit suicide. The times I’ve tried were because of me being sexually abused. The first time I was 10. The second 14. Now I am 17 and have yet again been sexually abused. It seems like I’m cursed. I haven’t reported it because the last two times I did, nothing happened. The case was thrown out both times. I’ve resorted back to cutting. I find it as my comfort. It soothes me. When no one understands I know that my razor does. It’s helped me through some pretty shitty times and I miss it when I try to stop. I’ve even cut so deep that I’ve had to receive emergency treatment but I never learned my lesson. Life is hard, this I know, but even if it were easy would I continue this behavior? Is it apart of who I am?
3 comments
I know how you feel. Ivee been through the same as you and more. I would tell you, but it’d take me to long to explain. So, if you wanna know, go to the post that says “Wishing, Waiting, Dying”. Anyway, I don’t cut. Well, with a razor i don’t. I use (oddly) a pencil. It does the same damage as a razor, if you get it sharp enough. And the cuts fade much faster because it’s pencil. But I have cut so hard before, that the cuts stayed for 5 days. That was a week ago. And you can still see the outline of the cuts, like there scares. Anyway, you not the only one. Sorry if I’m not helping, I just had a mental breakdown and I’m not thinking straight…..
Cutting sometimes lead to an addiction. At least it did for me.
I was so far down a period of my life that I couldn’t control my cutting.
But I got help, I went to a psychyatrist (don’t know if it’s written that way, I’m not from an englis-speaking country, but I guess you understand), and it helped me. I don’t feel addicted anymore. I still cut, but not often, not everyday, and not so much. But atleast it helped. Maybe it also can help for you?
I’m sorry to hear what have happend to you, and I’ve never experienced that, so I can’t say that I know how you feel. But my thoughts go out to you, and I hope you are okay.
<3
Sexual abuse wrecks you from the inside out. It sucks that the police/courts did not help you, but that’s typical. Victims are often re-victimized in court. I know you know what I mean.
So, why do you cut? Is it to push away the emotions of everything else or self hatred for being victimized? The razor will remain a part of who you are until you are ready for it to go. Even if your razor does understand, I am here and I will listen, and I won’t leave scars.
billyboy_2001@hotmail.com