7,7,7,0

  May 10th, 2009 by AbsentFeeling

I forgot about everything. Just a total blank out and then I fell apart. Tears were pouring down my face. When my mom finally came back from work we decided to go for a car drive. She said, as she often does, that something wasn’t quite right about me. Then she asked if I was at all suicidal. I quickly told her no, hoping to hear what would happen if I had said yes. She did a small cough/laugh and said that if I said yes I would go straight to the Mental Hospital. I know for sure that I couldn’t talk to her about it so I changed the subject as to why my sister was being so stuck up. She said it was because I was getting away with a lot more than she did. Then I asked her how Adam, my step father, was doing. She told me that he is angry with how I’m acting. She started to rant about how she is always sticking up for me when he says that I’m not “behaving like I should” or “keeping them updated”. I can’t help that I’m forgetful, and who the hell is he to be judging my personality? She said that I had to shape up. I told her that I wasn’t feeling to well lately. She said I was overreacting. yesterday when my sister and Adam invited me to go to a play I said no, my mom had a fit. I told them to invite someone else, but they couldn’t find anyone. “You’re so unappreciative!” She had told me. I said that Adam had taught that if I was going to behave “like this” than I might as well not go. She said “well of coarse, you can either go and have or stay here. There’s no point in going if your going to act like this.” I told her that if that was the case then I wouldn’t go. She gave up and left with my brother Isaac to go to my grandparent’s house, Adam and my sister left too.
It felt nice to finally be alone, but I realized that I was tired of me too. Not so much me, but everyone else, sycophant, close minded, oblivious, stupid people are all I can see when I examine the world. I went to the medicine cabinet and took 7 sleeping pills and a glass of champagne, and then waited. Much to my disappointment the sleeping pills were all natural and the champagne was low in alcohol.

I have no friends and my entire family is crumbling because of me. They are impossible to talk too because of how close minded and misunderstanding they are. I just want some help.

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