Well, most people woud think that I’m stupid, so I dont think it would be a good idea to post my side of the story, because I even told my mom about it but she thinks that I’m crazy or something. Anyway, I been thinking of suicide for a while too.Â I felt that there was no use of living anymore when I become depressed because of my sins I’ve commited. Well, most of the times I feel that God doesn’t even care for me because of my past sins. I even tried to repent but still feel miserable and embarrassed. Therefore, I feel if I gone and leave Earth, I would feel better. I attend college, and I had this class called Psychology. I read a phrase in the text book saying “suicide is a permenant solution to a temporally problem”. I see it that way, and I was thinking about using that permanently solution. Like I said before, whenever I ask God to forgive me of my sins, I feel that he would not forgive me. I normally do stuff to make myself happy, like smoking and eating, but I know that those are “vain glory”, as quoted in the Bible. When I still become misery and condemned, I just ask mysel, “Since God doesn’t love me anymore, then why did he create me to begin with?” Therefore, I find that suicide is the best solution to end this, although I know that I would go to Hell. What is the use of going to Heaven when it seems that God no longer loves me?
Another thing, I understand that going to college would make me feel better, but with the lack of understanding and wondering why God doesn’t seem to love me anymore makes me wonder how am I in college when I should be happy but is still feeling wortheless?