Things, for lack of a better word, have not been well. A year ago, I met the woman of my dream, an angel, true beauty. We were married and the wine began to flow. I’d find myself needing to leave bars, having put down more whisky and xanax than any normal man should. One night, while in a drunken rage, I did the unspeakable, a slapped that beautiful woman. The look of sadness and pain in her eyes is still etched in my brain. I was arrested and sentences to some alcohol classes. The drinking worsened to the point that we started staying apart several nights a week. Several months later, I recieved 2 DUI’s in 2 days in 2 states. I was off to rehab and life seemed better. However,returning, I could sense a distance, the love in her eyes was replaced by pity. Lonliness set in, and never left… Yesterday afternoon, I knew she wouldn’t be home, decided to drink again. I came to to shrieks. I had slashed my wrists repeatedly and drank so much, I passed out, the alcohol allowing te blood to flow free. I was taken to the hospital where I registered a .50 on a breath test, 6+ times the legal limit. I’m sewn up, but I see the looks of disappointment on the faces of all those around. The thought of my wife finding me in a three foot pool of blood is too much to take. I’m overwhelmed by sadness and guilt, lonely and in tears constantly. I’m a mess. I’ve burned every bridge I’ve had and at my rope’s end. Thanks for letting me share.
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3 comments
It is not too late. You are alive, you can try again to overcome your problems. Perhaps a new rahab, perhaps ALANON (did you ever join groups?). Do not give up. It may be true, at the moment in your wife’s eyes there is only pity, but you can change it. You can turn this pity to pride. Can you imagine what your wife would think of you if you overcome your problem? You were a hero, she would be so proud of you. Do not give up, it is not too late.
It’s so beautiful the way you describe her, you truly love her and it is a very strong power. If rehab doesn’t work then keep yourself busy by planning something special for the two of you, do anything to distract yourself from drinking. She sounds very lovely and I too would hate to see her sad, if drinking makes her sad, and her sadness makes you feel terrible, I know you can find the will power to stop. It would make her smile so much and then you could smile too! 🙂
i say you should do somethin worth admiring, like i dunno helping others, planting trees, if your life is such a mess youre willing to do somehting as drastic as killing yourself then i suposse it would be smarter too make a smaller change first, you wont get another chance to live, but still suicide is not as bad as we think, and we are not as important as we thnk either, nothing is. so if youve decided to comit siucide at least do as many good things as you can before you kill yourself, you might find a new life there, if not then at least the end of your life would be admirable. forgive me, but i dont think you truly love your wife, if i had hit the woman i love the most i would tell her how very sorry i am, that i hope she forgives, that i’m not worth her pain or tears, and then i would go away and kill myself, and maybe then she would forgive me.