My life all went down hill when i was 13. My dad married my stepmother and she looked at me if I was cinderella. I was told to do everything in the house and when I was finished I was sent to my room. About that time is when I started writing in my Journals and just giving up in life. When I turned 14 on my birthday my dad and I got in a huge fight. He blamed everyones problems on me and he told me hes going to kill himself because of me. That day is when I tried killing myself for the first time. I took a whole bunch of pills and layed down to die. My best friend came in when i was knocked out and got to me to the hostpital just in time. The doctors said if I wasnt there any sooner I would have died. At school my grades went down and i started getting in fights. I was in and out of the hosptial about 9 times last year. Now I’m a freshman in high school and ever since my first attempt I’ve gone down hill since then. Constantly in the office and barely passing my classes. About a week ago I just got out of the hosptial with the worst attempt yet. I got 12 stiches put in my left wrist. I wasnt suppose to make it that night. I dont know what but every time i go to end this hell of a life something stops me. Just for once I want to lay down and cry my last tear and never wake up again…
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5 comments
Sad, but I understand you. I also understand what you were thru in your life.
Unfortunately we don’t have enough motivation to feel better.
Stop using drugs, dont drink alcohol and try doing some sports. Go to some kickboxing or something. It will help you handling the stress and let all agression out.
Give it a try for 2 weeks, then you will feel much better. And dont stop then!
Hang on to your friends. Do whatever it takes to detach yourself from all the crap happening around you. Dont give up, youve been thru a lot. Dont give up on your life again! Just tell yourself to keep going, and think about all the good stuff you DO have!
Geee! I was upset when I read your story. See, I do not want to flame your father, you surely already have lot of resentiment toward him – but truth is, that being parent does not guarantee that he/she is the mature person. Sometimes child is more mature and healthy than parent. Parent should take care of children, but sometimes they can not handle their own stuff. It is not your blame!!!
Ok, lets move on. I surely agree with two comments above – friends – they can be of huge support, but be careful to choose right ones. And yes, drugs and alcohol it makes much worse in long run, sport can effectively chanelize you anger and frustration and it brings better mood (scientificaly proven fact) and make you more strong.
I recommend to find some counselor either in school or outside to help you to build up your own way. It is a long way run but worth it!
Wish you lot of strenght and love, Hugo
My father was the conflict of the centre in my heart. I approached him nearer as I could to gain his love. And I succeeded after many years of my agony. And now, I’ve learned that the most effective way is to love myself. But it is not easy. Kind hearted people usually don’t know how to love themselves. They usually direct this effort into loving the God or others but soon problems arise. What will you do if you see a dump-truck approaches–flee with disgusting! So, love thyself. Give your body an armour of glory. Stretch your tendons, loosen all your tense joints, look that presentable enough in front of a mirror that you yourself will say ‘Hi’ to. And smile back to resentment from others. While you have no hate in your heart, others will be left with no excuse to hate you.
we share similar stories. i have abusive parents. they are not only physically abusive but mentally as well. im a senior in high school and i’ve tried all the same ways. but one way that won’t fail is a gun shot to the head.