im done

  May 6th, 2009 by Looney

well it started yesterday when i had decided to take maybe about 7 left over tylenol and some green pills, i think they were aleeve.  then i asked mom to bring me home some asprin and i took about i think 8 of those. today i went on ahead and took about 30 more asprin and later today im taking 30 more asprin.  im thinking about taking the whole bottle but ill just wait maybe until i finish writing this.  ive finaly decided to just do it instead of talking about it because in reality no one else can feel your pain or what your going through.  no one can understand and try and help you.  they dont know shit becides my name being anthony kimble and maybe thats all they know.  im tired of people saying “i can help you” when they cant realy help themselves.  and even when i ask them how can they realy help me they ge quiet and confused trying to think up a lie.  well i dont care anymore but i thank you for caring enough i guess to want to talk.  anough is anough you know.  just let me do this and be happy for the first time in years. cant you understand that ive never been this happy in a while.  yeah i know god doesnt like this and im just giving up but look at it from the other side.  when youve been in the same old tunnel for years and see no light even when you decide to carve yourself a new path you still end up in the dark going no where.  for some people out there, there is no escape from the drugs, from the abuse of their parents, from the bad situations, and from being so poor.  some of us try everything but still we cant succeed.  we try going to school, going into the military, or even go as far as living the way god wants us to live and still we find ourselfs in the same old place filled with the same things that once haunted us. killing our pride, determination, respect, and most of all killing ourselves.   life may not change but i can.  i can change if i want to struggle again and agian with same promblems over and over.  i dont know how much time i have but i would like to say one last thing for everyone out there.  you can only make our situations worse by the way you chose to approach it.  go home and be with your kids, your husband or your grandma and tell them that you love them and explain to them whats going on.  instead of wasting time like im doing on the computer sobbering away before i die.  take some time out to incourage someone or visit them, maybe go to the park.  we dont need counseling we just need friends, someone who cares anough to cancel work and come see whats wrong.  we dont need doctors we need the love that was once preasent in our lives.  somehow someway we all go through this and just remember what this 20 year old guy said on that tomorrow could be the last time youll see him or her.  all my suicidal buddies out their, i will always love and respect you no matter what.  i know how you feel, i probably wont in about another 30 minutes but i understand pal.  remember that even though your going through a lot of pain think twice before killing yourself.  ive been dealing with this ever since i was a little boy.  getting beat like jesus christe by my mom eveytime i messed up.  then always getting in trouble at school.  i had no friends and was always picked on whenever the other kids felt like taking out some stress using me as a body bag.  i would like to wake up tomorrow free of trouble and worries. free from depression and from animosity.  people can be so cruel that theyll turn this bright and sunny day into a thunderstorm and cause me to take shelter in my room for days.  but now im happy to say that im not gonna let them turn my skies black anymore.  instead of talking about it im actualy doing it.  taking pills may not be the best solution but it sure as hell made me find that there is a such thing as happiness.  i only thought stuff like this was only in the movies and in those rich neighborhoods but ive actually fill happy.  i wish all my fellow suiciders well and peace on your life and i hope you find someone who can talk or help you out of this but always remember that Anthony Kimble isnt just some crazy suicidal maniac but a guy who spoke the truth.  Peace!!!

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