Keeping him with me…

  May 19th, 2009 by foreverinhisdebt

People used to tell me not to cry for someone, for they are not worth your tears. The one who was worth your tears would have never made you cry. I didn’t believe in that sh*t. I met this person, and fell madly in love with him because of how kind and caring he was. I was certain we would always be together, because we always talked about getting married and having kids. Mind you, I’m 16, and he’s 18. So yes, we were young. But I loved him. While we were together, I was constantly getting bombed by my all too perfect stepmother about my weight. She told me I was fat, and that she didn’t even know why my dad still loved me. I didn’t tell anyone but him, and he always comforted me, telling me it was okay.

Two years ago, I had been drugged at a party and the boy who drugged me got me pregnant. During the summer of the next year, I had the child. I did a good job of hiding him from my parents, and grew close to him. I even named him Gregory. I realized that I couldn’t have him forever, and that this was the wrong time to have a kid. I gave him to a trusted friend, who gave him up for adoption. I cried, because I loved him still.I consider myself a virgin, because at the time I DID NOT WANT THE SEX.

For the whole 7 months I was with this perfect man, I told him I was a virgin. Finally, I just told him. He broke up with me because I lied about it. I was heart broken, not only because he left, but because he promised me he would never leave again. I didn’t know what to do, I cried for several nights until finally, I got a text from his new gf saying he didnt like me anymore. After 7 months?? I couldn’t take it. I grabbed the nearest rope, a stool, and jumped.

I woke up passed out on the floor three hours later with my friends John and Kailey crying over me, and they screamed, telling me not to do it again. I told them I couldn’t live without him. I just can’t. Today, I still struggle with living without him. And today, I still attempt my death.

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