Well, I feel no reason to live. I have my dreams. They’re unattainable. Everything else is suffering. I’m thrilled by the idea that I can simply stop it all by putting a gun against my head and ending it all instantly. No more pain no more suffering. Why do we exist? It wouldn’t matter if we didn’t exist because we weren’t able to think before we were alive. If were dead, it’ll be the same. So, logically if i don’t believe in God the literally logical thing to do is put a bullet in my brain. All suffering eliminated and I can’t think anymore to suffer. Will I care for the people who have “loved” me? No, I’m dead. Selfish to commit suicide? It’s selfish for people to wan’t me to live. Even more so. I didn’t choose to come into this world and definitely not with this body and mind. I hate myself bar one thing which is my ability to see the deeper logic in areas other people never try to fathom.
Fearing that I will burn in hell if I commit suicide? You belive there’s a God? An all powerful being who is kind and decent and understanding? God doesn’t exist. What makes a bad person bad and a good person good? A series of attributes that we gain at birth and which are modelled by our life experiences. Both of which we have nil control over. Yet, if we be bad we are punished? God is justice and perfect, correct? WHERE IS THE JUSTICE IN BEING PUNISHED FOR BEING WHO YOU ARE??!? You cannot help it. I am what is considered a bad person though nobody knows my secrets. But being bad is subjective. Nobody understands hte bad person. People just judge them as evil, to be mistreated and to be cast aside, cast down and not be allowed the same joys that other people get. Do you know what this bad person, me, wants more than anything in the world?
Somebody to love.
But nobody would see it that way. Were my secret to get out people would hate me. Hate me and immediately discard me as a friend. I have some friends. Good friends, who are good people(If you understand them). I’m nice and kind but my “bad deeds” come in other forms. People rarely try to help the bad people. They focus on their own happy lives. Nothing exists outside of it, no suffering. Maybe some people died in a war overseas. For example, “14 year old Iraq girl raped then her parents murdered by American soldiers.” To me, these people also don’t exist. Which is tragic. This world sickens me.
We have no control over who we are, we just are who we are for “good” or “evil.” If, we cannot choose these things, how is that fair? God can’t exist because God is meant to be justice and good. If God was justice and good then this world we live in, this space, this realm would be utterly different. Therefore, we live in a world with no justice. Think of all the people who live on less than a dollar a day. Notably half the worlds population. 3 billion people. Is that justice? Well, I think I’ve proved beyond logical doubt that justice doesn’t exist.
Why this world should be removed from the plane of existence. If you people with happy lives would just try to understand a terrible life then please, pay attention. This world is full of pain and suffering. So, having proven that a “good meaning”, “benevolent god” DOESN’T exist then, does this simply mean mean that when we die…It all ends? Why yes…It does. All the happy people…were you to die would you care? Your immediate reply would be: “YES! Of course, I’m happy with my life!” but look at the sentence more closely. I put “death” before the thought process of whether or not you’d care. You can’t think if your’e dead. So you wouldn’t care. And…our suffering would be ended. All the pain and suffering would be gone. Ended.
The thing is, for me…as long as I don’t manage to get my hands on a gun, I will continue to live through this sick, twisted, horrible, evil, judgemental world controlled by the fortunate for the fortunate. Because of two things…The one I love…is out there somewhere. And…hope. I’m still young…16 years old leaves a lot of time for something good to happen. But I fear it is in vain.
Still, if the opportunity to end this world were to rise up I would. Stop the suffering for the good of everyone who suffers.Â
If this “essay” seems a little jumpy all over the place it’s because i had too many concepts to cram in…and still so many more to say, though I think I got my point across…
6 comments
It’ll be interesting to other people points of view. To me, my opinion seems an unfathomable truth…Maybe, just maybe someone will prove me wrong.
Well, what can I say…There is no God, we are just deterministic machines without a real choice, there is no justice, world is cruel, there is pain and suffering…Ok…So what!? Fact of the matter is that all this nihilistic talk is irrelevant. People can be happy in a world such as this one, knowing all this. And intelligent and independent minded people like you (judging by the fact that you figured it out at age 16) can also have all the pleasures of uncovering reality for what it is, you know what pleasure it is to understand the world without illusions? People like you can become artists or thinkers, and with your realization of how fragile concepts of “Good” and “Evil” are, you can lead an exciting life “beyond good and evil” 😉
So, as I said, all this nihilistic talk is irrelevant. The problem is in YOU, and not in the world. You don’t want to kill yourself because there is no God or there is no real “Free will”, you want to kill yourself because you……(fill the blank, with real-life problems, like bullying, or something). THESE are the reasons why you want to kill yourself. REAL LIFE PROBEMS. You want to tell me that you suffer so much that you want to kill yourself, because a soldier raped 14 years old Iraqi girl was raped? Gimme a break, you’re not a sensitive hippy type.. You suffer because you have real problems with, I don’t know, friends, people in general, love, sexuality, fears, addictions, some traumas, you know best. Or you have just lost your dreams, which I know is the source of the greatest despair for a people like you (or – us, shall I say). Why are your dreams unattainable? You should write about that! About your life and dreams. Because this is where the problem lies. All what you wrote is a smoke screen to cover the real problems.
P.S. I’m being a hypocrite writing this, because I have plans to kill myself in a quite near future. But that doesn’t change that every word of what I’ve just said, is true.
And one more thing – I wish you all the best, whether in life or in death. But I would prefer in life. You’re obviously intelligent individual, it would be shame to waste it. I don’t usually comment here, but I felt some connection to you 🙂
Regards.
will you please email me? daniellopez2316@ymail.com
you think a lot like i do about the world, and you seem to feel the same way.
did you know that 27 million people are slaves, today? http://www.polarisproject.org/
half are under 18. 80% of the 27 million involves sexual exploitation.
human trafficking is the 2nd largest and the fastest growing criminal industry today. just the fact that the ‘greatest country on earth’ doesn’t do a fraction of what it can about that problem makes me wish i was dead. and by the way, those people who do the human trafficking when it comes to sexual exploitation are called “pimps” – everyone’s favorite word in america.
everyone and everything in this world disappoints me, and yes, logically if God wasn’t here, and there was no hell, killing yourself would be the best choice. but there is God. only in Him have i found life, and if you’d like to talk to me, i can tell you about Him. please email me.
thank you for reading.
Despite all of the Sh_t that exists in the world. Everything seems incredibly predetermined. We didn’t ask to be born, yet here we are.
We still have free will (choice) whatever you want to call it.
We can still make choices. This whole board is about the biggest choice of all to continue breathing with bodies that will eventually shut down if we live long enough or someone might make a mistake driving or whatever cause that isn’t from natural aging process or genetics. I’m having difficulties everyday to keep going myself, but after reading your post I know I want you to choose to keep living.
Hey your 16 and writing an essay like that I think your awesomeness. You obviously have an incredible mind.
I like Yooraks and NDs answer and you all make perfect sense. Dont beat your self up. You are who you are and you no who you are and maybee you could embrace who you are find love and every one else will have to accept you for who you are. About the bad deed/s – your 16 live learn and live some more. (Easy said I havnt work out the easy done part yet)