This is the hand we’re dealt, live with it or get the fuck out of here. Survivors to the right, whiners to “get the fuck out of here!” Abandoned as a kid, mother – suicide, brother – homicide, father – sonofabitch! And to boot, I’m bipolar with no coping mechanisms whatsoever. Should I get out my terrible towel and cry a river?! It’s good to see that the females are still here to play the savior-nurturer to all the male “misunderstoods”. This isn’t a suicide blog. This is the fuckin’ lonely heart’s club.To most of you, suicide is some romantic notion. There is nothing romantic about a week in ICU and 90 days in the state nut house. To you imbeciles in here that take the “if you ever want to talk, email me at…” seriously, these folks are fuckin with your head. Trust me, you are better off emailing the fucking HSN, or Oprah.
The Original Crazy Motherfuckin’ C
12 comments
And your point is?
Wow,
you are pretty wicked guy! It is hard to live with bipolar disorder not to mention the family backround you mentioned. Yet just because you feel furios do not putdown people who have written here! Everyone has different potentials to cope with the things that happen to them or with thing they are doing themselves and are desperate of circling. To say your problems are nothing is another wound for many of them.
I wish you all the best and also wish you could direct your energy to things that supports you and people around.
Hugo
I apologize, obviously, the meds just ain’t workin. I am really not full of hate, rage maybe, but not hate. There is a difference. Please forgive me, I can’t bottle it anymore and my cries in the night are getting louder…
well I do take these seriously, I’m here to help people. and honestly, it’s what I love.
Well I felt the same way at one point until I found this website and have been writing since. See to so many people this is the only way to keep them from cutting, shooting, or taking drugs. Your words may be comforting to you but its a nail through the hands of many viewers and readers out there. Do be careful for what you say for we as depression victims bruise so easily and in a split secound kill ourselves over the words of someone else. I oppologize if I sounded a bit harsh and hope we still can talk. Email me at virgak47@yahoo.com, I look forward to haering from you pal
I’m glad you say what you feel. If you can’t express it *here* of all places, when can you ever?
And that’s the source of the rage/depression/suicidal impulse anyway, right? That no one will ever let you say what *you* really feel. That you always have to pretty it up so as not to offend anyone.
I understand rage. I’m full of rage myself, and am still looking for someone in real life who’s willing to sit there and listen to me rant and let me get really angry and maybe, even, try to understand me a little bit.
I won’t hold your hand. There are too many here who need this, and as you say, it isn’t real. What you (and I, and everybody) need is an actual, flesh-and-blood human to give a sh*t about us. Some random stranger on the web most likely ain’t going to be that person, though you may encounter someone who at least gets where you’re at a *little* bit.
If I were in charge of the world, for every 10 city blocks there’d be a ‘rage’ center where people could go and yell and smash things and throw paint at walls and break things and punch something and kick something and maybe talk to somebody if they needed to.
Our culture has a really effed-up notion about anger. Anger is about power and powerlessness, and fairness and unfairness.
Rage comes when even the righteous, real, ‘valid’ anger we feel at getting a raw deal is not allowed to be expressed. That’s when it becomes dangerous, to ourselves and others. That’s when it becomes a poison that can eat us alive from the inside out.
Do I have a solution? No. Except to talk, and keep talking til they put you six feet under. Don’t ever let them shut you up (easier said than done, I know. But I’m trying to not let the b*stards get me down.)
Do not go quietly.
Course, I’ve never been locked up anywhere, have never been diagnosed with anything, so I have no idea what that’s like. And have no intention of ever letting any of those mo-fos anywhere near me with their fondness for drugging up anybody who doesn’t goose-step properly.
I don’t really have any useful suggestion, except maybe to check out a blog called writhesafely, and some of the folks on her blogroll. She pulls very few punches, and her readers are pretty intense and hard core, most have been through the mental illness/psych ward mill and have serious war stories.
Well I’m taking a stroll down memory lane. Back before I knew this site. Ain’t it beautiful?
thelost, What you’d look up to end up on this post?
I go back here all the time… There’s been a few time travelers through the years.
Bi-Polar is a *****.
That essentially sums it up. I don’t wish it on anybody.
Went back in time, looking for my first profile. Probably’ll never find it, but the thing is. Go back and see everything that happened then and look at what’s happening now. Look for similarities
If you remember the username you can just search for it in the posts section of the dashboard. You were first here in 2009?