June 29th, 2009by emily25

Thursday I ODed. It’s now Monday and I still feel like shit. My parents think it’s some kind of “bug” or something. I just let them think that. I want to tell them so maybe I can get some help… But I can’t bring myself to it. Maybe I should have gone to the hospital. I don’t know. I just still feel like shit. I don’t know much of anything these days. No, I never “had my life together” but then it didn’t matter. I was too young to be thinkng of that so it didn’t matter. I can’t wake up from this.  I haven’t been able to keep anything down at all. It dosn’t seem like this is my life. I don’t know what possesed me to doing this. I have a boyfriend thats good to me. The best friend I have is my ex. My ex is also the only one who knows I ODed. My boyfriend has no clue. I was going to tell him, but I guess he was too busy. It’s alright. I am having a hard time writing this. It hurts so much to move and it hurts so much to be still. I don’t know what to do. I am sick and tired of doing nothing. I want to be able to eat whatever I wish. I want to play with my puppy. She looks so pitiful playing with herself while I have to hang over or be curled up on whichever floor I land. She is patient with me though. I know, a patiend puppy dog. I am, in a way, jealous of a dog. Ugh, wierd. Never thought of it this way. Playing all the time, sleeping, eating whenever they want. No work or anything. It seems great. Hmm. I don’t know where this is leading or if it leads anyplace at all so I will just stop rambling for now. It’s proly pointless anyways. I can’t even understand what I’m writing.

P.S. I don’t think it helped at all to OD so please don’t make yourself go through with it because it realllllly sucks and it’s not worth it
Please just don’t

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