Hmm…

  June 20th, 2009 by free-as-a-butterfly

Well, I come on here to tell everyone else to change their lives, that you can get past the bad thoughts and your negative crap.  But it’s begining to just back fire.  I have been depressed and a cutter for a long time (well thats how it seems to me), seven years now.  I am nearly ninteen years old.  Last year in May I first tried to kill myself, I almost died but my family found me just in time.  I tried again twice more but got to a point where I had to accept that I was meant to be here a little longer.  I finally think- a year later- that there really is no hope.  (Even after I had a few happy times.)  That sticking around isn’t working, it’s just making this decision a hell of a lot easier.  It’s selfish I know, but it is probably the only selfish thing I have ever done in my life.  I’d like to tell you all my life story but it’s much too long, I really don’t have the patience, just know that I have every right to want to die.  It’s been a good four months since I have had any reason to want to live.  Nothing makes me happy.  Nothing makes it hurt any less.  Hospital doesn’t help.  I honestly think it would be better if I stopped feeling sorry for myself and did the only thing I will ever get right in my life; my suicide.

Free as a butterfly.

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