i dont know how to do this

i dont know what to write, say or even think right now. all i know is that i am tired, not in the physical sense although it it exhausting to wake up every morning knowing it is going to be the same bull shit that i have been putting up with to long. medication hasnt helped, mostly because i cant afford to stay on it, hospitals dont work-twice now at least, and friends dont work because nobody wants to be bothered, which is why its called “pity party for one”. I AM DONE. i dont want the attention of fake people saying they care knowing that if i died it would only be a short amount of time before they hopefully move on with their life. i dont think i was brought into this world for a pourpose. there is no reason why i am on this earth. i am not a teenager that cant get her way. i have a job, in fact i just got a promotion today, except that i hate my job. it brings in money but not enough. i have left my family and friends to come to a place where i am alone. i am tired of disappointment, much of which is self-conflicted.  i have people around me, but it is so easy for anyone to say they care. but at the same time everyone needs to take care of themselves first. i dont want help. i just want this hollow, empty feeling to stop………………………..