I dont understand why.

June 16th, 2009by sanitycalling

I look back at my life and I realize there a lot of things that have happened in my life and I’m not sure why. My dad left us. I had a childhood infatuation with a boy who liked my best friend. MY grandpa fell sick.  Mom and I moved back in with Dad, and Dad is always trashing me, telling me ot b more useful. MY grandpa died. I got addicted to cutting. I tried swallowing too many pills. I tried drugs. I survived. I fell in love with a guy who liked another. He now tells me not to trust anyone, after I subtly hinted to him, that I trusted him a lot. I feel hollow. I feel like a failure. I want to end this. I imagine someone pulling a gun at my head and being shot. I imagine falling off a cliff. I imagine a car colliding with me on the road. Yet it never happens. I failed not only at life, but also ending my life.

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