  Hi, I’m Daniel and I’m new here…and well I’ve been thinking about killing myself as of today. And it’s not like I just decided to kill myself because of a sudden mood swing, I’ve really thought about this long and hard for several years. I’m not asking for you to sympathize with me, I just want people to lsiten for once.
   Well to sum it up, I was bullied on my first day of high school which ended up lasting for several years untill all of the verbal, physical and sexual harrassement stopped during the second semester of grade 11. I was laughed at, teased about my looks and size, got things thrown at me, they touched me inappropriately, and no matter how many times I had addressed my concerns to the teacher…they wouldn’t help me at all. And after all of that, I really found it hard to trust anyone at all; even my own close friends.  And after all of the torment was suddenly over, I got really angry all the time saying to myself “Why didn’t they apologize to me?” It was like I was their toy and they suddenly lost interest in “playing” with me; it was insulting…Then since I didn’t have anyone to personally talk to or any coping resources at all, I started cutting myself. And I can’t lie it felt good for once to have the inner pain desolve away with every slash. I started excersizing and lost 60 pounds which made me feel really good, but when I looked at other people my sudden upbeat attitude gradually faded away and forgetting about excersizing all together.
  I eventually had to stop entirely because of work I did at SHaRP (Salmon Habitat Restoration Program). I really enjoyed it there, met lots of new friends and I really thought my life was going to change- no longer being revolved around looking forward to my next cut to cope with all the stress. And then when the program was about to end (because it was only a summer program thing) I got nostalgic and sad to leave the one place where I felt loved and appreciated, and then…I started to cut again and into the new school year where one night I decided to kill myself but cutting my wrists. I got scared and surprised how much force it took to even get to cutting deep enough and eventually there was no pain even though I kept cutting. After that experience I didn’t cut for a long time out of fear.
  When I couldn’t cut to cope with my pain, I decided to kill myself again from overdosing on aspirin. The next morning I found out how painful it was even attempting to kill myself from overdose and I had to stay home from the stomach pains and the numbing of my entire body. Then instead of overdose I started binging and purging and starving on some occasions, beginning to think that they had bullied me because I was fat or ugly. I then suffered 9 months with starving and the binging and purging. And when I didn’t ge the results that I wanted, I tried to kill myself with apsirin again…but I was hesitant this time because not only did I know I would mess up…but I didn’t want to wake up tomorrow feeling like crap…I also didn’t like the feeling when I took aspirin going down into my stomach…
  And finally now I am in my senior last year in highschool and had recently been insulted by my parents at my commencement telling me I wasn’t good enough…that they weren’t proud of what I had accomplished…basically because I didn’t get any scholarships and my low marks…(I got average marks, but my parents were expecting above average…). I’ve recently have cared little or nothing about school…because it gives too much stress. I started to skip classes because I was scared and didn’t want to deal with my problems, and now if I go back I will only seem like a pathetic piece of crap, will probably never succeed in life, and my school will probably tell myparents that their son is f***ed up (sorry for the language..)…
  So I really think that ending my life at this point is a good idea. My parents have already given up on me and I’m only being a burden onto them. I’ve put myself into this ditch that I can’t get out of, the only way out I think it death. And I’m really sorry about writing so much, I just really needed to tell someone even if it meant telling strangers…
8 comments
If you go back to school you will NOT look like a pathetic peice of crap you will Be someone who would not allow the bullies to take away the best that is in you which you have to find. The “playing” did not suddenly stop because the bullies got bored. You stoppped it! You did something, consciously or not to stop the bullying. They would never stop if you hadn’t somehow changed…Good job!
You are strong You are not a burden to your parents, it sounds like they, at times, might be a burden to you. They should support you and love you with average grades or below average grades or above average grades…it doesn’t matter. It is your parents job to help, love and support you in finding your way. You are still so young, go back to working out and doing what made you feel good and don’t look at other people or compare yourself to other people.
Most people are not who they pretend to be and we all have problems.
The next time you feel like hurting yourself, remember you have friends. Remember you are loved. Find another program or job like Sharp so that you can make more friends, stay there and grow old.
your not worthless dont give up wether u care or not one person still cares. God does he knows what your going through keep fighting and you will get a award some day
Listen, no matter how tough life seems right now you have it so much easier than other people. Honeslty, i know how hard it is to be bullied, and its over now. You should think abuot how selfish suicide is. Your parents will carry that guilt with them for the rest of their lives for thelling you that your not good enough. No matter how hard life seems nothing is EVER hard enough that you need to end your own life. Think about it…you are so young and there are so many places you havent seen, SO MANY things you havent done. There is still time for you to find someone truly special and fall in lovel. But no matter how hard life seems right now, suicide is not worth it. Its a sin, so its not worth burning in hell for all of eternity. Think about it. Maybe get some help from anonymous hotlines.
May you find your own purpose in life, and may it be everything you’ve ever wanted, and more. Cheers.
i didn’t even read what you said, but i been thinking about killing myself since i was 13, its like i never belong. I quit everything i start,and its not like i don’t have friends and family. They love me reguidless,it just i can’t trust them. I still a vargin and i’m 20, i love woman/ ii love everything about them. But every chance i get, i fuck it up. I think about it too much, and i get nervise. i just want too start my life all over.
dont give up brother.
just dont do it, its for the weak and i can tell your a strong minded person.
hold in there, and fuck people do everything for yourself.
ALL OF YOU! shut up!
Suicide is NOT for the weak. I am not condoning it, but do not insult people who have suffered to the point of losing their own life! Stop putting suicidal people down. Stop saying they are weak! I am tired of it.
And please stop saying “there are those who have it worse off than you.” that doesn’t help, and comparing people’s problems is bullshit to start off with
Ovrrdosin hmmm we have somethin in common
But i know for me ferlar always gets the best of me what u shuld do is listen to music make a playlists on ur ipod full of songs that u can sing along to go to sleep to them
Write poems of the s#!+ people do to i
It helps
If u need help god is there get out of ur hole and when u do help me out of mine :/
Ferlar. – fear my mistake