I’ve chickened out so many times but I know one day I will do it. I do feel guilty thinking of people that have died that would have given anything to live I feel so selfish. I was abused when I was younger and cant speak to anyone cause it was a family member. I think of the family and how that news would destroy their lifes so I keep it bottled up so they can live their lifes normally whats one life compared to so many. For a while I was happy but that all ended it seems my life is just meant to be lonely. I dont know what else to say there is loads more feel I could write all night. My love for my mother keeps me going Id do anything for her thats why Ive decided to make it look like an accident. Walk by the river make a mark as if Ive slipped Id hate for her to feel guilty or hate me for doing it.