ranting

June 28th, 2009by helper

How absolutely sick is it that I find comfort and safety on a site that people tell you about how they want to die? Oh now you are probably thinking to yourself, well it’s probably because you need to know that there are others like you. Yes that’s right I have a logical mind. I am not mad at you, whoever you is, I’m mad at me, for being me, but then for being mad at me, because I know how it is more for a lot of people with personality disorders, except I feel what I should feel, then have not the feelings but the full on knowledge of what I’m doing and how I cannot stop myself from feeling the way I do. And don’t you dare give me the, get help speech. Sweetheart, been around much the last 4 years? But none of it helps; I just keep digging a bigger hole. Now that’s not fair to everyone who’s helped, my friends, for giving me useless advice and pointless quotes, my enemies, for making everything so much easier, my sister, always telling me how fake my feeling are, my parents though always trying, to little too late comes to mind, my doctors misdiagnosing me with every frickin disease in the book, then of course my body for continually failing me, and myself, for letting this happen. I know most, no all of my life wasn’t really my fault, but then I feel that I have no control of it, and God, well keeps reappearing and disappearing throughout my joyous journey.

 

I have no feelings, like I know I have said this before, but I always had empathy. No I cannot even say I have that, I just don’t care anymore.

 

I cannot get sad and depressed because of my medication, so I die inside without dying or feeling sad, yeah try to conjure up that in your mind.

 

Thank you medication, been a great help.

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