wanna die…..

I’m really from norway so my english might not be the best….

my life has never really been good, I’m a christian and partly because of that people have allways bullied me. first I was in a kindergarden where we were out playing all day, and we werent allowed inside. I don’t remember this sinse I was moved to annother place when they saw how I was treated (the kids was the mean people not the grownups). there I was still badly treated, but now it was rather passive. in norway we start school as 6 years old. I started school, but the kids there were as bad as in kindergarden.. it was as I was used to, and I did’nt get any real friends. they kinda frose me out, and it was painfull. in my 4. year the teachers  finally saw what was going on. there was a lot of tummult (is that the right word?) around it but in real they only got smarter i they’re work. I found out though, that I was’nt the only one who felt lonely. in my 5. year some people from another school were going to start where I was. I had a very good friend allong them, and she ended up getting friends with someone that are now one of my closest friends. I ended up having totally three friends at school. I started my eight year and allsow started a new school whith the friend I have got since I was four. I got a lot of friend compared to what I had from before. my parents are now separated because my mum is psychic sick and is depressed. I did’nt really have problems with this before every grownup around me started ackting like I was the one depressed! I’m in the end of my eight year at school now and I’m depressed. wanna die or run away!!! dad is disapointed because I aint doing homewok anymore and he sais he’ll make my life a hell if I dont improve!!! I’ve got a friend who is great to talk to, he has had a lot of problems from before and is LIVING proof that things can be better! I used to smoke, but he helped me stop and now I don’t even wanna think about start again. we talk about these things mainly by msn. it’s not really safe to talk at school if we dint want anybody else to know. I’ve started drinking now, and it’s all dad’s fault!! or, atleast this is how it feels like. he say he does it because he love me, and I belive him. only problem is, I dont trust grownups so he don’t know he’s making everything worse. I’ve decided to wait till autumn to take the decision wether I am gonna kill myself, run away, or just keep living in hell. btw I’m kutting myself now…..