July 22nd, 2009 by Jess66

Ok, so life hasn’t been so great lately. So there’s this girl who said she loved me a few days ago, and I LOVED her for months and months and watched her get boy-friend after boy-friend while I’m almost certian she knew I was in love with her, so I was basically nothing to her when she had a boy-friend and when they cheated on her or broke up, Of course I was “the best” and “super amazing” because I’m so soft harted I CAN’T not forgive some one. And I just kept loving her. And now recently I knew I would never have her so I gave up on life basically, because, well she was my life. And just a few days ago she came out and told me her true feelings for me. And I said I loved her back while holding back tears, becuase I don’t know how to tell the one who  I once loved that I can’t love her any more. She hurt me 1 too many times. And on top of my family life nothing has been going good.And I want to be with her and I want to love her, but I just can’t find the strength in my body to forgive her, not this time. I just don’t know what to do any more. I mean she is so amazing, when she’s single that is, haha. So it’s like, do I ask her if we could once be something? Or do I just ignore it because I need to be with some one, desperately, I need love. But I just don’t think I can accpet it from her. Nope, not this time. I’m just too scared to hurt the one I loved and painfully, still love. So painfully, that I almost killed my self when I knew I could never have her, love hurts. I know what you are all saying “At least you have 1 person in your life who loves you! Stop being such a baby!” Well in  words of my counselor (kind mixed up, because I don’t have very good memory of that meeting exactly, it was quite a strong one, lots of water works!) “We all have our different extreme highs and extreme lows, wether one persons high is getting a decent meal, or love from a parent, where the other one is going out or getting money, and their extreme low maybe wanting to die, where as another would be not getting their 400$ purse.” (I added some stuff in there, but you get the picutre) Ok, well I guess I am done here. Thank-You very much if you are still reading, I appreciate it very much. God-Bless!

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