I have a very hard decision that could either make or break my life. So in the beginning of the year our guidance counselr came and told us to come and make an appointment with her if we ever needed to. So one day I wanted to meet her, and I also knew that I get upset alot so, this could be good for me! And as she got to know my problems more we meet more and more and I told her every thing… almost everything that is. One day I come in bawling and she says I don’t look so good. And we are talking andÂ talking and I finally told her that I had thoughts of “Going away forever” (aka, my way of telling her I no longer wanted to live)
And she’s a pretty nice woman so, as the meeting went on she polietly ask me questions like, have you ever thought/done self harm? (as in, cutting, burning, ect.) and I couldn’t just LIE right to her face so I just sat there looking down and crying my eyes out. And all I said was, i thought about punching something to hurt myself, but i never did it. (which was quite the lie.) When in real life I do tend to cut myself. So at the end of the meeting she asked if i thought it would help if i saw a like theripist or something every week, but I kinda forget what happend after that. All i remeber was going back to class with bloodshot eyes and kids asking questions.
At out last meetiing she said I was like a rollercoaster I started out normal then I went down and down and down….. and then up and up and up (becuase towards the last days of school, i was SO happy nottttthing could bring me down!) And I thanked her and that was that.
So here’s the hard part. I could 1) Tell her I cut and get help. Or 2) Not tell, and live in sadness. But im scared to tell becuase if i do i might get sent somewhere and my parents will get invloved and everythign will go wrong, but sometimes i WANT to tell.. no i dont want to, i NEED to! And other times i feel like ill live a live of secrets, and lying. So here’s where I VERY badly need your help, if you are still reading. Should I tell or not? I just want things to be back to the way they used to be, I want to be happy. I know you can make your self be happy and sad, but it’s like i WANT to be happy, but something (im not sure what) is making me sad. So it’s not interily my fault… Thank you for reading, i would very much appreciate your help,-Jess.