any last thoughts?

  July 9th, 2009 by lastdose

this evening i randomly got in the worst mood ever. i became dangerously violent and angry, and i was so close to ending it. i sat up in my room for a good hour or 2 sobbing my eyes out, basically letting out 10 years of anger. between being used as a dishrag in my what used to be best friend’s life, and from being pushed down by my family. this isn’t the first time that i’ve randomly became depressed, but this is the first time it’s ever been like this. i can’t even explain to you how i felt. and i can promise you that if i had a gun, i would shoot something or even worse- myself. i guess that i finally let loose all of my built up anger, and it turned into something worse. and i say worse, because i was taking the anger out on myself. i’ve been clean from cutting for a while now, and right at that moment i was ready to kill the hell out of my arms. and all night i’ve thought i’m just a pathetic little girl, and just am having a little episode. but i still find that it’s much more than that.. much much more. this is the first time i’ve ever been this close to making the final cut. and i honestly have never been so scared in my life. i just needed your opinions on this.. and possibly some advice.

thanks, morgan.

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