July 9th, 2009 by CJ

I’m sorry to all of you who feel obliged to answer to me because I’m a little whiny ***** who thinks she has problems when in reality other people who have had horrible things happen to them wish they could be in my position. I’m pathetic, and it’s about time you all realized that.

You know what is the most horrible facet to my personality, besides the billion other things? That I look for problems in my life so I can gripe about them. I will randomly be arrogant toward someone in my family just so I an hear them call me names. I love it when they yell at me. That way I at least know they aren’t bullshitting me with comments that they don’t mean. I love it when someone calls me names because inside I’m agreeing with them. It makes me happy, almost.

It’s gotten to the point where I can barely get out of bed every day. I just want to lay there and nobody bother me, nobody yelling at me to clean something, nobody yelling at me to stop being so mopey.  The sheer beauty of death seems to entice me more and more every day. I can’t even listen to music, because I tell myself that I have horrible taste and that what I’m listening to is stupid because I picked it. Death; It looks so beautiful and comforting. The one thing stopping me now is that I have found a thing I enjoy doing: writing. But, I shouldn’t bother with this because my parents said that a career as a writer is a insipid idea, and that I cannot pursue it. Well, dream ended quickly. It was fun while it lasted.

You all stay strong and beautiful and resilient, and don’t mind the insipid girl who can’t seem to stop complaining.  Thank you.



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